starbelliedboy

It has been 8 months since my last blog. Since then, my personal life has suffered unbearably. All of the women that were romantic possibilities are long gone, for one reason or another. Well, I guess mostly just me being fucked up and withdrawing from all the people who knew my ex. I haven't met really any single ladies in a long time. Most of my old friendships broke down to a point where I had to get away, and now I spend a lot of time alone. I have a few friends who I didn't fall out with, but before the damage was done they were far out on the periphery, so my social life is not fully functional. Those friends I do have don't party like I like to for the most part, and there aren't really any events where there are ever any viable women to meet. So yeah, I haven't been laid since that last blog 8 months ago, except for St. Paddy's Day, which was less than a week after. And maaaan. I'm pretty lonely a lot of the time.

I was doing alright with my breakup when I had plenty of people to talk to and things to do. Women wanted me, I didn't think about her so much. Now, I just don't have any women left to talk to that I haven't forcibly driven away, and I think about her all the time. Just about every day. After all this time. I have to start mending all over again, and that is not going to happen til I get some more of the pieces of my life back into forward motion.

I really need to start getting out more. It's been hard for various reasons, mostly because the people who I'd feel comfortable and safe hanging out with and meeting people with aren't interested in doing the types of things I really like (ie, getting tanked) And there are the times when I do have opportunities to go out and meet people and I just can't do it when it's not on my own terms. But I have good days and bad days. Some days I feel like there are still people interested in spending time with me and talking to me, sometimes I go crazy feeling like these people just don't want to bother making time for me, don't give a shit. I dunno.

Still working the same job, extremely slowly progressing. I'd like to get out and find something better, but my hopes have been crushed so many times. At this point (as dumb as this sounds) it's more comforting to feel like I COULD get a better job if I applied myself than to try and fail and have it proven that I can't.

I guess I'm still in the same holding pattern I've been in since I graduated. I'm not in any trouble, I'm making enough to pay my bills, but it'd really be nice to actually have something to be happy about, rather than just not have anything pressing reason to kill myself. I guess I've really become satisfied with my potential, assuming that I could do well if I put myself out there, but too scared to actually do it. Clearly, this is a serious problem and no way to live.