Oh god, it's over with her again, and I feel SO stupid and ugly and hurt.
I don't know if it's as bad as it was last time, but I definitely feel a lot worse about myself this time.
She actually said she wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore... That really makes me feel like a fucking troglodyte. I feel ugly and stupid and uninteresting. I feel like no other woman would want me. Like this is the best girl that I'll have ever been with, and it's all downhill from here.
I saw it coming for a while now. I could feel her moving away from me, how she wasn't happy to see me anymore, how she didn't call me all the time, happy to talk to me and share everything with me. Too often, I was starting to hear words like, "Oh, I never told you about that?" I knew it was the beginning of the end, and knowing that it was gonna end made it so much worse. I'd have thought, knowing that something was wrong, I could've avoided it, but hard as I might've tried, as much as I tried to revive her interest in me, to keep her entertained, nothing worked, and she just seemed to grow to hate me. And now she says she still cares, but people who care don't abandon you. If she really cared, she wouldn't have cut me out completely. She'd have let me down easy, instead of breaking up with me over the phone, not even giving me the courtesy of coming to see me to tell me, or even to actually call me. She made me call her. She seems to act like it doesn't even bother her, she's so detached... I think she disconnected from me emotionally a long time ago, but I can't do that, so I'm bleeding out the happiness all over... I can't seem to do anything to make myself happy, to take my mind off of things. Nothing can even keep my interest. This was the girl who once cried for an hour because I said it seemed like I was too into her and felt like I might need some time away to get school work done. And now we're broken up for real and she doesn't love me anymore, and no tears are shed. I've lost the only person in the world I could talk to, the only person I could call just to chat. The only person I could just hang out with and do nothing, and never get bored or uncomfortable. My best friend, and the person I hoped to spend my life with. But then, that girl's been dead for a while now. I still love that one. This one, I don't even want to get to know her, because she's heartless.
God, spending all of last summer trying to get away, trying to meet new women, I couldn't forget about her. And now there's 8 more months of history, that much more baggage.
And there's the hope that maybe, now that I'm free again, I can finally find someone that loves me and is willing to do what's necessary to make it work. Somebody that wants to do the things I want to do. And I'm terrified that I'll never find her. It's so hard for me to meet people, much less pretty girls...
I don't know if it's as bad as it was last time, but I definitely feel a lot worse about myself this time.
She actually said she wasn't sexually attracted to me anymore... That really makes me feel like a fucking troglodyte. I feel ugly and stupid and uninteresting. I feel like no other woman would want me. Like this is the best girl that I'll have ever been with, and it's all downhill from here.
I saw it coming for a while now. I could feel her moving away from me, how she wasn't happy to see me anymore, how she didn't call me all the time, happy to talk to me and share everything with me. Too often, I was starting to hear words like, "Oh, I never told you about that?" I knew it was the beginning of the end, and knowing that it was gonna end made it so much worse. I'd have thought, knowing that something was wrong, I could've avoided it, but hard as I might've tried, as much as I tried to revive her interest in me, to keep her entertained, nothing worked, and she just seemed to grow to hate me. And now she says she still cares, but people who care don't abandon you. If she really cared, she wouldn't have cut me out completely. She'd have let me down easy, instead of breaking up with me over the phone, not even giving me the courtesy of coming to see me to tell me, or even to actually call me. She made me call her. She seems to act like it doesn't even bother her, she's so detached... I think she disconnected from me emotionally a long time ago, but I can't do that, so I'm bleeding out the happiness all over... I can't seem to do anything to make myself happy, to take my mind off of things. Nothing can even keep my interest. This was the girl who once cried for an hour because I said it seemed like I was too into her and felt like I might need some time away to get school work done. And now we're broken up for real and she doesn't love me anymore, and no tears are shed. I've lost the only person in the world I could talk to, the only person I could call just to chat. The only person I could just hang out with and do nothing, and never get bored or uncomfortable. My best friend, and the person I hoped to spend my life with. But then, that girl's been dead for a while now. I still love that one. This one, I don't even want to get to know her, because she's heartless.
God, spending all of last summer trying to get away, trying to meet new women, I couldn't forget about her. And now there's 8 more months of history, that much more baggage.
And there's the hope that maybe, now that I'm free again, I can finally find someone that loves me and is willing to do what's necessary to make it work. Somebody that wants to do the things I want to do. And I'm terrified that I'll never find her. It's so hard for me to meet people, much less pretty girls...