st_expedite

So, the neighborhood was overrun with Jesus freaks this weekend, and in light of that it was great to watch a young man in a Jesus costume have the following exchange with said freaks:

Freaks: Sinners of New Orleans! Repent, for the Bible says you shall be damned to hell for all eternity and...

Jesus: My children, my children! As your lord and savior, I command you to put away your megaphones, for yours is not the true way of Jesus Christ. I say this because I am Jesus Christ, and if you love me, you will go to the nearest bar and get me a bloody mary. And would it kill you to get extra olives in it?

Freak: You are not Jesus, but a sinner who mocks our Lord, and who will spend eternity in hell unless he turns his heart away from sin and toward God.

Jesus: I noticed you have skateboard wheels on those crosses you drag around. I did not have wheels on my cross when I was crucified, and I am angry that you mock My suffering with your sissiness. Unless you want to suffer eternal damnation, you will repent by getting your Lord a cheeseburger as well as that bloody mary.