st_eve_bc

from happiness to loneliness
-excursions, felix the house cat aac-

I wonder if there is a job title for people who have ideas for software and interface but no actual programming expertise, ah yes unemployed.
-neh scrub dishes for loose change-

I can realize if my love is gone
-I heart fucking movies-

or not cinema is such a nasty bitch, i certainly hate the foolish action, the frivelous nature of the whole thing, the press, media in general is pretty disgusting and invalidates just about anything of personal or social importance
-attention-
shall we dance
-asassinate roomate if he tries to take the cat-

after the quasi stomach wrenching drivel of making a documentary
-no cameras on stage-

I should say the painful metaphysics of it all, or is it mysticism, witchcraft
-spellbinding country folk-

I can decide whether or not I need my camera(s)
-dvx100ap, sony digi 8-
my korg
-mp 100-
my mixer
-the sexiest battle mixer-
speakers
-sound good, at my brothers' apartment!-

I cant play my god damn records, I put alot of time and energy into collecting those
money, and now they sit tucked away and played randomly by my brother with the turntables
-you could go to school for a year off of what i spent, believe me, thats were the money went when I dropped out-

there really is no need to sell my korg, other then to get a smaller controller
-oxy, 64 poly, midi, sweet little mbox oh I covet the-

a little canon and a digi rebel would be nice
-7 mega pixel slr, where its at-

I got so much shit I dont get to use
-trade, give away, trying-

I spent damn near 10 grand this year on gear, over thirty in in the last 5, including school, drunken candy parades and sordid nights in lovely towns.
- where is the paying gigs?-

I am enchanted by a change of scenery, a loss of the technique of film making.
-hawaii, surf city, live on the beach-

was I ever even making films to begin with
-dv, not really-

feelings like these buckle my knees and put me on the ground.
-ho hum-
instead of breathing life into stories I am waiting for them to die
-exphixiate the celaphane-
so then I can start from the beginning
-self published pop up books and ceilings caked with crayon murals-

its not uncommon for me to wake up in the morning with my share of doubts, thats fine, by the time i need a cup of good strong tea or coffee, I can sort things out
-giving up the sport shakes-

doubt, fish, stars
-reading salmon of a doubt, d.adams-
a smart monkey
-if you need proof of evolution just look at what is on tv-
god damn it I hate tv, magazines and fashion
-in america, its easy to loath what comes in perfectly clear, in english, without hope of being uncommercialized-


I dont mean to trivialize complaining, but I remain rooted in my sequin cotton lined harvest moon boots coupe de ville cup spilled milk and my psycho pussy is not licking it up-

wah