all the brothers I know on avenue, when the see her say OOH!
Live coming to you from the distant fingernail at the end of the long arm of this universe are my thoughts on what happened today
woke up- overrated
tear jerked off- its so damn easy
checked email- they wont get me with their clever advertising
made arrangements for a camera loan- which reminds me I need to charge that bad boy up
showered- which was excellent, given that I was locked out of my apartment last night, got jam on my pants and lint in my hair. sat outside stairing at the big yellow leaves by my feet, found warmth in meditation and suprisingly gatoraid
tried to write a letter to neodrunk, my ex girlfriend and a resume, made little to no progress before being swept up in a lunch offer.
psycho suzi's- for tator tots and bloody marys (left room for a fat cat)
blah blah blah- oh I went to murs show at the 7th st, I couldnt really dance because my neck is on fire in pain, strained from sitting on the toilet and drawing
came home- stole a smoke from my room mate, logged in, plugged in my mini disk recorder, recorded some basic tracks off the laptop, was disappointed in my work, got online, read a few journel entries, felt bad about not having a halloween costume prepared like my friends who are going as johnny utah and what ever swayzes role was in point break, fiddled about, came to no conclusion, felt unenlightend, wanted to go to sleep, had to plug in phone that I havent paid the bill for, and the camera that has made me broke, choked down the cigarette, ate some jalepeno sun flower seeds, felt greedy for writing such a whiney entry, wanted a girl to sleep with, and then go eat breakfast with in the morning, realized I have alot to do tomorrow, and its still not a paying job, felt like a slob, and bitch and an invelant
fucking had to think about when I got fired from my last job before I even worked, they just fucking denied my the job, no reason, no returned calls, just a no thanks, and that was it, the guy even changed his email so he wouldnt have to hear me bitch him out, I lied to my girlfriend at the time because (well it made sense at the time to) she had told me the night before I was to start, that if I got fired from that job, she wouldnt marry me, maybe she didnt mean it, but we were going to get married in 3 months.. when she found out, I moved out, and we broke up... now I dont now what to say to her, everything comes out as an excuse, a 180, when really i still feel the same as I did back then, about myself that is.
I tried to spend this time since, getting a grip on things that keep bothering me about the past, tried to organize my thoughts, plan, get things done, started, follow a new path, and here I am, just trying to be the man right? -quoting other mc's because everything I seem to touch these days goes to shit
I cant get focused on anything long enough to turn it into something positive
I am living in a cryogenic stasis, yet my face ages and I get fat from the lack of movement.
I want to go back to when I was 15, and nothing was real yet, nothing was scary.
yet now I live in fear.
what is it?
why dont i care?
I thought I was a sincere person once...
Live coming to you from the distant fingernail at the end of the long arm of this universe are my thoughts on what happened today
woke up- overrated
tear jerked off- its so damn easy
checked email- they wont get me with their clever advertising
made arrangements for a camera loan- which reminds me I need to charge that bad boy up
showered- which was excellent, given that I was locked out of my apartment last night, got jam on my pants and lint in my hair. sat outside stairing at the big yellow leaves by my feet, found warmth in meditation and suprisingly gatoraid
tried to write a letter to neodrunk, my ex girlfriend and a resume, made little to no progress before being swept up in a lunch offer.
psycho suzi's- for tator tots and bloody marys (left room for a fat cat)
blah blah blah- oh I went to murs show at the 7th st, I couldnt really dance because my neck is on fire in pain, strained from sitting on the toilet and drawing
came home- stole a smoke from my room mate, logged in, plugged in my mini disk recorder, recorded some basic tracks off the laptop, was disappointed in my work, got online, read a few journel entries, felt bad about not having a halloween costume prepared like my friends who are going as johnny utah and what ever swayzes role was in point break, fiddled about, came to no conclusion, felt unenlightend, wanted to go to sleep, had to plug in phone that I havent paid the bill for, and the camera that has made me broke, choked down the cigarette, ate some jalepeno sun flower seeds, felt greedy for writing such a whiney entry, wanted a girl to sleep with, and then go eat breakfast with in the morning, realized I have alot to do tomorrow, and its still not a paying job, felt like a slob, and bitch and an invelant
fucking had to think about when I got fired from my last job before I even worked, they just fucking denied my the job, no reason, no returned calls, just a no thanks, and that was it, the guy even changed his email so he wouldnt have to hear me bitch him out, I lied to my girlfriend at the time because (well it made sense at the time to) she had told me the night before I was to start, that if I got fired from that job, she wouldnt marry me, maybe she didnt mean it, but we were going to get married in 3 months.. when she found out, I moved out, and we broke up... now I dont now what to say to her, everything comes out as an excuse, a 180, when really i still feel the same as I did back then, about myself that is.
I tried to spend this time since, getting a grip on things that keep bothering me about the past, tried to organize my thoughts, plan, get things done, started, follow a new path, and here I am, just trying to be the man right? -quoting other mc's because everything I seem to touch these days goes to shit
I cant get focused on anything long enough to turn it into something positive
I am living in a cryogenic stasis, yet my face ages and I get fat from the lack of movement.
I want to go back to when I was 15, and nothing was real yet, nothing was scary.
yet now I live in fear.
what is it?
why dont i care?
I thought I was a sincere person once...
You don't sound like an insincere person; but we live in an insincere world, which tends to be hardest on decent folk like yourself.
In the end, the fear is one of your only constant companions in life. It's best, if you can manage it, to befriend him.
My ex did the same damn thing; & I do mumble, but my friends (ie people that listen to what I'm saying) don't seem to have much trouble. You notice the same effect?