Well I didn't compleatly finish but I didn't think I would either. When I start something, I HAVE to finish. So I set a mini-goal before I started of what it was I was doing ... and I finished that. I feel slightly acomplished.
Friday was my day off and I spent maybe 1 hour of the time while Fae was at work being unproductive. That hour was split by IMs when people saw my away message (I'm working, but IM me, I could use the break) and actually were good enough to react. I also took a 10 minute break for lunch (which was a Slim Fast drink). \
After all the work was done .... sometimes astonishing myself with my efficiancy and sometimes knowing full well that I was doing it the hardest possible way there is to do it .... I went to pick up Fae. After I got her, we went to my "work" for a party in a very very hot and stuffy place which, IMO, was NOT worth the visit.
I was slightly agitated by some of the work I did which I felt was unproductive or just plan wasted energy. I was distressed because one of the biggest bothers of my endevor was something I secretly wished would just go away for good (but I realize it will not). I was depressed because of a few moderatly conscious things that had been poking at my head like a dull ice pick on a hot day. I was recovering from what I believe was Strep Throat ... and worked myself as if I were built to be a work horse. I was stressed --
..... so you could understand why - and the end of the 2.5 hour party which was too hot and icky and went no where - that I wanted nothing more than to crash.
Fae had "the bug" to sing. I love it when she sings. It makes me hot in ways I never before realized I could be turned on. Oh my Gawd ... - - - yeah. When she sings, I melt. Except when she sings at Urban Inn ~ because she generally does the same tired depressing songs (because thats what she believes she sings well) with lyrics I don't understand but know by heart because I've heard her sing them "Time After Time". Don't get me wrong, I love that she's singing .... but she's so much sexier when it is a bit more candid.
But she had to sing - and I wasn't going to stop her because I love it when she sings. I love that it makes her happy and I would NEVER deny her anything that makes her happy unless it hurt me. But dammit - I needed a shower and I was desperatly clinging onto my wakeful state. (not to mention I hadn't been so much as kissed by my girl in a while at that point, and that makes me very sad). She wanted to go - and she had my blessing. She wanted to go WITH ME ... and that hurt to think about. I let her bribe me with food (which I paid for, and she helped eat ... which was fine because I shouldn't have eaten all of it anyway). She spent my money on a drink and signed up to sing ...
And I finally crashed.
I apologized to her, because I wanted to be there smiling and loving her singing and being happy ~ but I just could not do it anymore. Not the people - or the heat - or the keeping my head off the table and pretending to be caring about what the people around me were talking about (when in truth it was way over my head). I had to go out to the car and rest.
I didn't sleep - because I was worn but my body was restless ... and wouldn't let me sleep until I SHOWERED. I waited paitently for Fae. She was kind to me and didn't make me wait too long. She got her 2 songs to be sated and I am happy for her.
Home - Shower - Sleep.
I worked Saturday 9 to 6 in a store what barely had any business. The store was just assembled less than a week prior, so there wasn't even anything to CLEAN!. I played games most the day on Neopets and thought about all the things I wanted to do at home when I got home.
But Fae did a lot of the moving that I wanted to do. She did good :-) And there's still the opertunity to kill myself moving the massivly huge desk we've named the "Sexy Black Desk" .... so there's still hope for my own manual labor and that makes me happy.
But at the same time, because most of what I wanted to do was done, my ambition was zapped and again I wish to lounge and - lounge. I have a lot of computer time I feel I need to make up. I miss online gaming. I miss it more and more lately. It reminds me of my life before Buffalo ... which makes me miss my cats - and being right there with my family. Makes me miss my friends I left behind whom I've visited several times but with one exception - they've never returned the favor. And it makes me a little sad.
I want clean clothes - and to lounge with my girl ... and just enjoy - her ... and not care about things for a little while.
But most immediatly ... I want to get out of my work uniform.
T.C.D.
Friday was my day off and I spent maybe 1 hour of the time while Fae was at work being unproductive. That hour was split by IMs when people saw my away message (I'm working, but IM me, I could use the break) and actually were good enough to react. I also took a 10 minute break for lunch (which was a Slim Fast drink). \
After all the work was done .... sometimes astonishing myself with my efficiancy and sometimes knowing full well that I was doing it the hardest possible way there is to do it .... I went to pick up Fae. After I got her, we went to my "work" for a party in a very very hot and stuffy place which, IMO, was NOT worth the visit.
I was slightly agitated by some of the work I did which I felt was unproductive or just plan wasted energy. I was distressed because one of the biggest bothers of my endevor was something I secretly wished would just go away for good (but I realize it will not). I was depressed because of a few moderatly conscious things that had been poking at my head like a dull ice pick on a hot day. I was recovering from what I believe was Strep Throat ... and worked myself as if I were built to be a work horse. I was stressed --
..... so you could understand why - and the end of the 2.5 hour party which was too hot and icky and went no where - that I wanted nothing more than to crash.
Fae had "the bug" to sing. I love it when she sings. It makes me hot in ways I never before realized I could be turned on. Oh my Gawd ... - - - yeah. When she sings, I melt. Except when she sings at Urban Inn ~ because she generally does the same tired depressing songs (because thats what she believes she sings well) with lyrics I don't understand but know by heart because I've heard her sing them "Time After Time". Don't get me wrong, I love that she's singing .... but she's so much sexier when it is a bit more candid.
But she had to sing - and I wasn't going to stop her because I love it when she sings. I love that it makes her happy and I would NEVER deny her anything that makes her happy unless it hurt me. But dammit - I needed a shower and I was desperatly clinging onto my wakeful state. (not to mention I hadn't been so much as kissed by my girl in a while at that point, and that makes me very sad). She wanted to go - and she had my blessing. She wanted to go WITH ME ... and that hurt to think about. I let her bribe me with food (which I paid for, and she helped eat ... which was fine because I shouldn't have eaten all of it anyway). She spent my money on a drink and signed up to sing ...
And I finally crashed.
I apologized to her, because I wanted to be there smiling and loving her singing and being happy ~ but I just could not do it anymore. Not the people - or the heat - or the keeping my head off the table and pretending to be caring about what the people around me were talking about (when in truth it was way over my head). I had to go out to the car and rest.
I didn't sleep - because I was worn but my body was restless ... and wouldn't let me sleep until I SHOWERED. I waited paitently for Fae. She was kind to me and didn't make me wait too long. She got her 2 songs to be sated and I am happy for her.
Home - Shower - Sleep.
I worked Saturday 9 to 6 in a store what barely had any business. The store was just assembled less than a week prior, so there wasn't even anything to CLEAN!. I played games most the day on Neopets and thought about all the things I wanted to do at home when I got home.
But Fae did a lot of the moving that I wanted to do. She did good :-) And there's still the opertunity to kill myself moving the massivly huge desk we've named the "Sexy Black Desk" .... so there's still hope for my own manual labor and that makes me happy.
But at the same time, because most of what I wanted to do was done, my ambition was zapped and again I wish to lounge and - lounge. I have a lot of computer time I feel I need to make up. I miss online gaming. I miss it more and more lately. It reminds me of my life before Buffalo ... which makes me miss my cats - and being right there with my family. Makes me miss my friends I left behind whom I've visited several times but with one exception - they've never returned the favor. And it makes me a little sad.
I want clean clothes - and to lounge with my girl ... and just enjoy - her ... and not care about things for a little while.
But most immediatly ... I want to get out of my work uniform.
T.C.D.