had a semi-wonderful weekend...
i hate money. i hate the whole idea of money. i hate that you have to have it to survive and to an extent be happy. money is nothing. why do we need it? money is the soul source of so many problems...personally and world wide. bleh
i miss my husband terribly. i can't wait to move back to Ga. i just wish i felt that everything will be permanent...i hate feeling like everything that i have can be taken away from me at any second. that one little thing could fuck my whole world up and never be the same again. i want to do my best and put in that 110%, but in the end i don't wanna feel like i was used and wasted.
i just feel so disposable...i wish that just once in my life i could feel security with someone/something else as well as myself. there are so many things i wanna do, but each day i just get older and less motivated to be anything more than a mom and a maid...
what is my purpose? i don't think i will ever know. does anyone ever really know. i keep being told that one day i will figure it out....but what if there are ppl that have no purpose at all. they are here just to be sad and alone. to do everything for others and get nothing in return...
are we all destined to be someone/something we cannot change?
do i have a choice or has the choice already been made for me...i just wonder what i have done that was so bad to be punished in this way... 
i hate money. i hate the whole idea of money. i hate that you have to have it to survive and to an extent be happy. money is nothing. why do we need it? money is the soul source of so many problems...personally and world wide. bleh
i miss my husband terribly. i can't wait to move back to Ga. i just wish i felt that everything will be permanent...i hate feeling like everything that i have can be taken away from me at any second. that one little thing could fuck my whole world up and never be the same again. i want to do my best and put in that 110%, but in the end i don't wanna feel like i was used and wasted.
i just feel so disposable...i wish that just once in my life i could feel security with someone/something else as well as myself. there are so many things i wanna do, but each day i just get older and less motivated to be anything more than a mom and a maid...
what is my purpose? i don't think i will ever know. does anyone ever really know. i keep being told that one day i will figure it out....but what if there are ppl that have no purpose at all. they are here just to be sad and alone. to do everything for others and get nothing in return...
are we all destined to be someone/something we cannot change?
do i have a choice or has the choice already been made for me...i just wonder what i have done that was so bad to be punished in this way...
panthro:
hang in there sweetie, i think we all go through these what am i here for cycles. i'm sure things will get better when your husband gets home from iraq. do you live on a base, or do you have residential housing. maybe you could spend time with some of the other wives so you don't feel so lonely. just a thought.
lemuria:
you have no idea how much i agree with you on the whole money thing..i hate it it makes me want to go live in a commune or something or somewhere that money isnt so important. you should go check out Mneylus last journal about oracle ariadne and becoming the person you are today and what not. its a very interesting philosophy. i get lost sometimes too. 
it makes me want to go live in a commune or something or somewhere that money isnt so important. you should go check out Mneylus last journal about oracle ariadne and becoming the person you are today and what not. its a very interesting philosophy. i get lost sometimes too.