spindel

A Guide to War in Iraq II:
By Spindel

USA: Saddam is a bad man! Since the UN won't do it's job we will do it for them.

IRAQ: Yeah right!

*KABOOM!*

IRAQ: .....Oh Shit! You blew up my bunker!

UN: Huh? What? Hold on a second!

THE POPE: Mumble, mumble, mumble..

FRANCE: VETO! VETO! VETO!

UN: It's too late, dipshit.

MICHAEL MOORE: I knew that would happen. Shame on you Mr. Bush!

PRETTY MUCH EVERYONE: SHUT THE FUCK UP, MOORE!

USA: 10,000 Iraqi troops have surrendered. They are very happy now, because we are actually giving them food and water. This war will be over in a week or so. Promise.

IRAQ: They are lying. We have captured 30 American troops. They are very happy now. (...because they are dead.) The troops the American's captured are all really fake American troops that they paid to pretend to be our glorious well trained army. ....Also real Iraqi troops don't need to eat or drink.

USA: Well trained my ass. Their running around in trucks fer christ sake!

IRAQ: At least we can keep our planes and helicopters in the air.

USA: What planes and helicopters? We blew them all up, remember?

IRAQ: Shut up. We have planes, we just don't feel like using them, so there. Also we just caught some elite British troops. Real 007 types.

UK: Those are our Navy Butlers Units! They make our noon-time tea!

IRAQ: We we're wondering why they made such good tea. Obviously they are all James Bond. Except they are dead. We didn't do it.

UK: Well who the bloody hell did then?

IRAQ: The American POWs. The ones we didn't kill.

USA: We have begun giving the Iraqi people food and water.

IRAQ: They are lying, we are giving them food and water. And then kicking the shit out of them if they don't fight the Evil Americans and Vile British. Also we still aren't hurting those prisoners we have and parading them around on TV is ok, because they are American's and all American's love being on TV. Especially when we point guns at them while we do it. We might make it a game show. Anyway, we certainly aren't picking bullets in their brains. Nope. We don't know how those bullets got there. Must have been point blank friendly fire.

USA: They are breaking the Geneva Conventions!

IRAQ: NO, they are breaking Geneva Conventions. We love the Geneva convention. Also they are breaking other conventions, like the Star Trek one we tried to have yesterday.

USA: That wasn't a Star Trek Convention! Those were Iraqi Troops trying to kill us!

IRAQ: Was too. Those phaser's were set on stun.

USA: They were not! Stop lying!

IRAQ: Was Too. We like Spock. He is cool. We bet he would have resolved this peacefully.

USA: Kirk would have kicked your ass. Single handledly. In fact, we might just send him over there, assholes.

UN: *sigh*

THE POPE: Mumble, mumble, mumble..

REPORTERS: Wasn't this war supposed to be over by now?

USA: We never said that.

REPORTERS: Yes you did!

USA: No comment.

MICHEAL MOORE: SHAME ON YOU MR BUSH!

USA: FUCK! Who let him in here?!

IRAQ: Wasn't us.

UK: We thought he was the butler.

...With apologies to pretty much everyone. Ok, not really.