spiders

I don't care if anyone comments this is just really more for my brain and shit like that....

Earlier Monday night my mom called to tell me that my grandpa, whom I call my papa sam, has had a stroke and is in a nursing home. My first thoughts were of my grandma, who I call granny annie, and the fact that this man loved here and now she was completely robbed of him, because not too long before he had several minor stroke that placed in in an alzheimer-like state but he was still somewhat the man that she had married. after these thought came, I guess my defense or whatever, I just told myself that when the first mini-strokes hit him and placed him in the alzheimer like state , the papa sam that we all knew and loved had died and what was left was a shell of the former. I am now wondering if he dies soon if I will be able to make it out to Texas and be with my family in a their time of mourning.....this thought and worry weighs heavy on my shoulders.....