My right foot's been hurting like hell since Thursday. I had an operation 3 and a half years ago to separate fused bones, and it hasn't hurt like that for the last 2 years. It's not the heavy pain of post-surgery, but it's in the places where I think they cut my bones and inserted a muscle to keep the bones from fusing together again.
I thought the pain was because of the heavy rain (it started the same day as the rain) but now the weather's fine and it's still bugging me. A lot.
Today I'm getting an appointment with the doctors. I don't know what I'll do if they tell me my bones decided to fail on me. I don't know if I can take something like that. Just reviving the subject makes me break into tears, I don't think I can take knowing the torture 3 years ago was for nothing.
That the pain, the incisions that wouldn't heal, the crutches, the nightmares, the rehab, the constant edema, the stitches that refused to be absorbed, the kinesiotherapist from hell, the crappy tendons, the neverending cramps, the ghost pains, the scars... were all for nothing? I can't take it. I just can't.
They said that if it didn't fail within the first year and a half, it would be considered successful, and it's been three years and a half... Someone please tell me I'm just being paranoid.
EDIT:
I've calmed down, but just a bit. I thank the paracetamol + ibuprofen cocktail... that is starting to wear off.
Got an appointment with the butch---hm, doctor for December 13th. I just hope I can manage till then. The problem is that I know exactly how it will turn out:
Doctor 1 will see me, he'll make a joke or two about my hair and about how famous my double coalitions are. Then Doctor 3, if there, will make a remark about how much I know about tarsal coalitions. Doctor 1 will grab my foot, he'll twist it a little... and tell me to get a CT scan. If I'm lucky to see Doctor 2, he might prescribe something for the pain.
Yeah, I'm used to having a team of three doctors: Doc 1 (the boss and surgeon), Doc 2 (the nice guy who actually seems to care about the patients and does the dirty work) and Doc 3 (the ascending kid, nice but lacks a little something).
So I'll get the CT scan, I'll wait, and wait and wait... And perhaps they'll tell me if there's something wrong around the middle of January. Till then I'll try not to OD on multiple painkillers.
I thought the pain was because of the heavy rain (it started the same day as the rain) but now the weather's fine and it's still bugging me. A lot.
Today I'm getting an appointment with the doctors. I don't know what I'll do if they tell me my bones decided to fail on me. I don't know if I can take something like that. Just reviving the subject makes me break into tears, I don't think I can take knowing the torture 3 years ago was for nothing.
That the pain, the incisions that wouldn't heal, the crutches, the nightmares, the rehab, the constant edema, the stitches that refused to be absorbed, the kinesiotherapist from hell, the crappy tendons, the neverending cramps, the ghost pains, the scars... were all for nothing? I can't take it. I just can't.
They said that if it didn't fail within the first year and a half, it would be considered successful, and it's been three years and a half... Someone please tell me I'm just being paranoid.
EDIT:
I've calmed down, but just a bit. I thank the paracetamol + ibuprofen cocktail... that is starting to wear off.
Got an appointment with the butch---hm, doctor for December 13th. I just hope I can manage till then. The problem is that I know exactly how it will turn out:
Doctor 1 will see me, he'll make a joke or two about my hair and about how famous my double coalitions are. Then Doctor 3, if there, will make a remark about how much I know about tarsal coalitions. Doctor 1 will grab my foot, he'll twist it a little... and tell me to get a CT scan. If I'm lucky to see Doctor 2, he might prescribe something for the pain.
Yeah, I'm used to having a team of three doctors: Doc 1 (the boss and surgeon), Doc 2 (the nice guy who actually seems to care about the patients and does the dirty work) and Doc 3 (the ascending kid, nice but lacks a little something).
So I'll get the CT scan, I'll wait, and wait and wait... And perhaps they'll tell me if there's something wrong around the middle of January. Till then I'll try not to OD on multiple painkillers.
VIEW 16 of 16 COMMENTS
zenobia:
I watch patients go through the pain and exhaustion of rehab everyday. A lot of people seem to have the same story as you. They had a problem went to get it fixed and ended up with a plethora of more problems and issues after being, "fixed". I imagine it's difficult but I hope you are able to stay strong; if you need to or have the means to get another opinion. Maybe see a specialist. I understand that can be difficult and expensive.
shuttersounds:
your debut set....gorgeous! 