So why is it that when your drunk or on drugs things are so much easier to say, conversation is so much easier! I'm like Jeckyll and Hyde and I don't know why I can't change my personality or repair my social skills but it certainly freaks people out how one weekend I barely get past hello and the next I can recall our whole history in 5 mins??? 
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missminda:
I stopped deleting everything cause I kept regretting destroying all the stupid shit I say. Even though it's embarrassing or shit or depressing it was something that happened and that's what's important. Like, right now I'm high and probably make absolutely no sense.
apathy:
normally, im like, really really shy. or maybe just really really quiet. so then i got this job as a bartender, and being the bartender you kind of have to run the show, so im damm near past the freaking out point. I walked into the bar and saw there was already a good 60 people waiting for drinks. So i decided, ill just pretend. ill pretend to not be shy. i might sound like a fuckin retard here, but it worked, and eventually got easier. cause its a bad bad thing to rely on drinking or drugs to make yourself come out of your shell and lose your inhibitions, and i am speaking from experience, so do your best!!! i wouldnt have written this if i didnt completly understand where you are coming from.