Sex and disability tend to be a taboo area for many able-bodied persons and is rarely discussed in the same sentence. As a result, more than 50% of disabled people do not have any form of a regular sex life.
Sexuality and disability refer to the sexual behaviour and practices of people with a disability (PWD). Physical disabilities such as a spinal cord injury may change the sexual functioning of a person. However, the disabled person may enjoy sex with the help of sex toys and physical aids (such as bed modifications), by finding suitable sex positions, or through the services provided by a qualified sex worker.
According to the World Health Organization, "Sexuality is an integral part of the personality of everyone: man, woman and child; it is a basic need and aspect of being human that cannot be separated from other aspects life."
People with physical or intellectual disabilities in today's society are often regarded as non-sexual adults. Sex is very much associated with youth and physical attractiveness, and when it is not, is often seen as "unseemly". If sex and disability are discussed, it is very much in terms of capacity, technique, and fertility - in particular, male capacity and technique and female fertility - with no reference to sexual feelings by ignoring aspects of sexuality, such as touching, affection, and emotions.
In addition, opportunities for sexual exploration among disabled people, particularly the young, are very limited. There is often a lack of privacy and they are much more likely than other young people to receive a negative reaction from an adult if discovered. The general reduction in life choices also has an impact on self-esteem which in turn affects sexuality.
A person with a disability of some kind may tend to feel unattractive, or even less worthy of sexual partnership or relations because they think that they can't live up to the idealized image today's society has set. If the disability happened later on in their life, the person may recall how they used to look and feel very unattractive by comparison to who they once were.
Disability stereotypes add to the difficulty and stigma experienced by people with disabilities. The following myths about people with disabilities have been identified:
- Men and women with disabilities don't need sex.
- Men and women with disabilities are "oversexed."
- Sex must be spontaneous and/or have a set time.
- Men and women with disabilities can't have 'real' sex.
- Men and women with disabilities are not sexually attractive.
- Boys and girls with disabilities don't need sexuality education.
- Men and women with disabilities have more important needs than sex.
People with disabilities deserve acceptance of their sexuality. That acceptance would not only be within the community of people who do not have disabilities, but also validation within each individual who does. A disability does not alter the right of an individual to express his or her sexuality. This includes the right to marry, parent, and care for children; to make choices about these areas, and to have access to accurate information which will enable them to make good choices and take appropriate actions.
We all deserve love and to be loved :)