siiiiiigh....dreadlocks.....
i've been letting my hair lock up for 6 months now and it's about time for the second thoughts to start rolling through my brain. I've been going about a rather natural "neglect" method. because of this my hair is craaazy. i got wiggly lumpy loopy locks galore....and loose hairs galore. my hair has shrunk up so much my hair is barely even shoulder length now, and to think my hair was once to the middle of my back.... i pretty much always wear my hair up, which isn't good for it, but its been hot and ive been trying to get a job and keeping it up just seems the easier way to deal with it and not feel ugly but because i've been wearing it up so much, my locks aren't sitting right and poking out all weird. my mom has been telling me "i wouldn't mind if they were nice dreadlocks but they are all weird and messy looking." It doesn't bother me much when she bugs about them cuz she is a mom and i can think to myself "she doesn't understand", and i keep telling her IT TAKES TIME!
but what gets to me is that i've recently tom has been saying things like "it'd be cool if you did have big epic dreads but these aren't right, they don't look right....you need to see a professional or something... you need to wear them down". he says it all with a grimace like he doesn't want to say it to me, and he likes the idea and likes me, but he really doesn't like them. i keep telling him too, it takes time. our friend with awesome dreads has had his 4 1/2 years. .... but still, i worry. i worry that my dreadlocks will never look good. i worry they will be messy and ugly forever. i look at pictures of myself with my regular hair and think how pretty it was. i always loved my hair. i never dyed it or styled it a ton because i loved it so much. i rarely had bad hair days. i just put my sunglasses on my head and was ready to go. i never wore hats much, but i could if i wanted to... i didn't get head massages from people but i could make them, and now that i have tom, i feel like if my hair was nice and smooth, he'd be running his fingers through it while we watch tv and it would feel so good. i don't feel pretty and i want my boyfriend to find me attractive.
i wonder sometimes if i should just give up. i wonder if i should just buy a gallon of conditioner and comb this shit out. but that would be against all my reasons for doing this. i knew my hair would look crazy for a while. i knew it would take at least a year for my hair to become what i wanted. i knew i would not like it. i went in it for the journey. i can't just give up. maybe this is a lesson in not giving up. but uuuuuuuhg
i went to hurricane harbor yesterday. it was a lot of fun. i washed my hair good when i got home and have worn it down since so this morning my hair actually looks a lot better than it normally does.
i've been letting my hair lock up for 6 months now and it's about time for the second thoughts to start rolling through my brain. I've been going about a rather natural "neglect" method. because of this my hair is craaazy. i got wiggly lumpy loopy locks galore....and loose hairs galore. my hair has shrunk up so much my hair is barely even shoulder length now, and to think my hair was once to the middle of my back.... i pretty much always wear my hair up, which isn't good for it, but its been hot and ive been trying to get a job and keeping it up just seems the easier way to deal with it and not feel ugly
but because i've been wearing it up so much, my locks aren't sitting right and poking out all weird. my mom has been telling me "i wouldn't mind if they were nice dreadlocks but they are all weird and messy looking." It doesn't bother me much when she bugs about them cuz she is a mom and i can think to myself "she doesn't understand", and i keep telling her IT TAKES TIME!
but what gets to me is that i've recently tom has been saying things like "it'd be cool if you did have big epic dreads but these aren't right, they don't look right....you need to see a professional or something... you need to wear them down". he says it all with a grimace like he doesn't want to say it to me, and he likes the idea and likes me, but he really doesn't like them. i keep telling him too, it takes time. our friend with awesome dreads has had his 4 1/2 years. .... but still, i worry. i worry that my dreadlocks will never look good. i worry they will be messy and ugly forever. i look at pictures of myself with my regular hair and think how pretty it was. i always loved my hair. i never dyed it or styled it a ton because i loved it so much. i rarely had bad hair days. i just put my sunglasses on my head and was ready to go. i never wore hats much, but i could if i wanted to... i didn't get head massages from people but i could make them, and now that i have tom, i feel like if my hair was nice and smooth, he'd be running his fingers through it while we watch tv and it would feel so good. i don't feel pretty and i want my boyfriend to find me attractive.
i wonder sometimes if i should just give up. i wonder if i should just buy a gallon of conditioner and comb this shit out. but that would be against all my reasons for doing this. i knew my hair would look crazy for a while. i knew it would take at least a year for my hair to become what i wanted. i knew i would not like it. i went in it for the journey. i can't just give up. maybe this is a lesson in not giving up. but uuuuuuuhg
i went to hurricane harbor yesterday. it was a lot of fun. i washed my hair good when i got home and have worn it down since so this morning my hair actually looks a lot better than it normally does.
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We'll love you no matter what and your boyfriend will always find you sexy, I'm sure