sox88

Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck in a loop. The eternal optimist fighting to cheer up the pessimist who sees himself as a realist and can't see his own negativity. I try, time and again, to get him to see. It doesn't work, and all that happens is instead of me just being frustrated, now he's pissed and I'm just tired. Of all the stupid things to fight about, this is one of our worst. I know it's silly, and it's something that's never going to change in him. He will always see things from the negative side of the image, while I always try to look for the good in everything. And I'm stupidly in love with the man. I truly need to find a way to let it go. Tune out the comments, ignore the negative in his voice. I can't fix him. If I love him, truly love him, I have no choice but to accept the inner workings of his mind. And yet sometimes I just want to scream at him. The world is not all that bad, there is joy to be found in every moment. Even when your stressed, and life sucks, and it's not what you wanted it to be, there is joy to be found. If there wasn't I wouldn't still be here. I've walked through hell and back again with him, over and over. Life has been challenging for us, even more so the last couple of years. And things are finally starting to get back on track. I want him to find joy in that, joy in the little things that please me. But the things that please me, don't please him. And so I get frustrated, angry and hurt. And then we fight. And now, when I'm 1000 miles away from my friends and family, and really just need a hug and a friend, I don't have one here. He's pissed at me, and went out. And so I sit here, alone, sad, and just wanting to fix things.

And tomorrow, it will all be all right. We'll work it out, and things will be back to the status quo. But tonight, I'm lonely as hell.