soverytemporary

me: so rememember that time i tried to train that monkey to
kill you?

you: no

me: yeah so anyways, i tried to train a monkey to kill you, but then i realized that killing you was against it's nature and that training it to do so was just perverting nature, and i didn't want to do that. So anyway I gave him away to the zoo and he just sent me a postcard. Seems he has met a very nice girl monkey and they are having all sorts of crazy monkey sex. He even drew some diagrams of the monkey sex. That prehensil tail is like a built in sex swing.

you: oh

you: so you've decieded not to kill me then?

me: no, i'm still going to have you killed. i've put together a crack team of snail assasians

you: but it's not in the nature of snails to kill me either

me: HA! shows what you know. snails reach almost orgasmic bliss from killing. it is their one true passion. hell, they are on their way to your house now. should be there in about a week.

you: i live next door.

me: exactly *starts singing "anticipation"*