A week after my heart was torn to pieces, I try to understand what exactly it was that happened. I've grown so tired of fighting, its so draining, not just physically but emotionally. I tried the best I could, to correct a wrong, it wasn't so much that It wasn't so much good enough for andrew, rather, he just didn't care.
I grew to realize that indeed I had hurt this person, and no matter how hard I tried to mend what i had broken, I know that such things would never get fixed.Somethings are better left untouched, and even though he does not deserve my thoughts let alone my love, I love him...it will fade with time, i know this much, I already smile more than enough, and my heart doesn't feel so heavy anymore..
I learned a great lesson in all of this, I had karma come back and hit me hard , but i'm okay with that. I made this person hurt, cry and wish the same things I felt this past week, it was just another growing lesson.
I'm not bitter, I just feel that love doesn't exist. I loved this person with my whole being..and even though, i was stupid and cast him aside, I paid for it in the end. I cannot fathom being with anyone one else. I cannot see myself happy with anyone.. all i see is me being alone. and...I welcome it. I do not believe in love anymore. I don't care for the male race, other than friendship, I believe now that not every individual is meant to find someone, and i don't think I am...and I'm okay with it.
I deleted all of the pictures I had of him and I tonight, the last one hurt the most to let go, i closed my eyes...took a breath...and clicked delete.
I'm strong, and will get through this, and even though I am mortified that I was played, that I was accused, that I was told the most horrid words I have ever heard by the person I love, I will continue to smile. I did the best I could to fix the wrong and the hurt that I had caused...some people are just too clouded by the past, to focus on what is at hand.
I don't hate him, nor do I wish him harm. He is a wonderful person, and is a good friend to others, and I do not blame him for hating me so much..for wanting to make me feel what i felt.. It taught me a lesson.
It also taught me to be proud of who I am. I was once so greedy, so cruel..no one mattered but me..but i changed over the course of two years..into a positive, kindhearted person. Im not who I once was, and I tried to prove that. Although now i am without my hearts wishes, I know that things will be okay someday.
this song hits home
cheer me up with presents? eh eh eh?
http://amzn.com/w/1SZ6DHVQFM9O8
I grew to realize that indeed I had hurt this person, and no matter how hard I tried to mend what i had broken, I know that such things would never get fixed.Somethings are better left untouched, and even though he does not deserve my thoughts let alone my love, I love him...it will fade with time, i know this much, I already smile more than enough, and my heart doesn't feel so heavy anymore..
I learned a great lesson in all of this, I had karma come back and hit me hard , but i'm okay with that. I made this person hurt, cry and wish the same things I felt this past week, it was just another growing lesson.
I'm not bitter, I just feel that love doesn't exist. I loved this person with my whole being..and even though, i was stupid and cast him aside, I paid for it in the end. I cannot fathom being with anyone one else. I cannot see myself happy with anyone.. all i see is me being alone. and...I welcome it. I do not believe in love anymore. I don't care for the male race, other than friendship, I believe now that not every individual is meant to find someone, and i don't think I am...and I'm okay with it.
I deleted all of the pictures I had of him and I tonight, the last one hurt the most to let go, i closed my eyes...took a breath...and clicked delete.
I'm strong, and will get through this, and even though I am mortified that I was played, that I was accused, that I was told the most horrid words I have ever heard by the person I love, I will continue to smile. I did the best I could to fix the wrong and the hurt that I had caused...some people are just too clouded by the past, to focus on what is at hand.
I don't hate him, nor do I wish him harm. He is a wonderful person, and is a good friend to others, and I do not blame him for hating me so much..for wanting to make me feel what i felt.. It taught me a lesson.
It also taught me to be proud of who I am. I was once so greedy, so cruel..no one mattered but me..but i changed over the course of two years..into a positive, kindhearted person. Im not who I once was, and I tried to prove that. Although now i am without my hearts wishes, I know that things will be okay someday.
this song hits home
cheer me up with presents? eh eh eh?
http://amzn.com/w/1SZ6DHVQFM9O8
VIEW 4 of 4 COMMENTS
harleysfreedom:
I wish i could make a defensive and persuasive argument for the others of my side of the spices but i fall short not only in words but in belief in those words that i will not speak. Your self prospective is of the utmost maturity, it has taken me years to be able to step back from a situation and look in all honesty at not only my actions but the underlying motivations and emotions driving them. To be able to do this is not only invaluable but a trait that is absolutely vital to a healthy, loving and nurturing relationship. Have faith my dear time is on your side.
hansoloai:
Hang in there champ, it gets better!