I am beyond defeated. The sleep is so heavy on my lids from crying so much... I don't like to gossip, but i feel that I have no other outlet but this.
last night while I was with my friends, while I was so happy, My ex bf sent me a text, when I later saw him, he told me that people had been saying that I said that he had pushed me down stairs. I flipped out ans started to cry, I love the guy with all my heart and soul and to hear such words killed me. He believed me or so seemed to, and than when I confronted the two that had told him..well that was the confusing part.. One said he didnt know what I was talking about, another said i had said that, but i hadn't.. and than later one changed his story. I forwarded everything to my ex..and he seemed fine, than this morning... he told me horrid things. said that I was a liar, that i manipulated people into alliance, that I dont love him, and only love myself, that I talked shit about him and later told him that i loved him, that I lie and start drama and that Hes glad that all the misery he spent with me made him as cold as he is today..
when i read that i burst into tears, i even threw up. I had to go to work and had to be brave, but as soon as I got home I cried without limit. Im even crying now. I won't ever forget this, and I can tell you all right now i am broken. I have reached my limit. I want to die. I want to crawl into a hole and die. The one person i love more than anything wont listen to me, and whats worse, i never ever ever ever did anything like that that. never said such words never.
I reached my mark. I can't keep being happy. I cant keep smiling when the one thing that has ever made me happy is now gone for good. I cant. Im so sorry. i CANT be happy. not after this. Im afraid Ill end up taking pills, I just feel like i burden everyone now. How can humanity be so cruel to me.. Ive given up hope in humanity. Ive reached my lowest. even I cant get up from this. I dont know what to do anymore.
I want to apologize to everyone for this blog, you know that it's not like me, but i have no hope now. no hope
last night while I was with my friends, while I was so happy, My ex bf sent me a text, when I later saw him, he told me that people had been saying that I said that he had pushed me down stairs. I flipped out ans started to cry, I love the guy with all my heart and soul and to hear such words killed me. He believed me or so seemed to, and than when I confronted the two that had told him..well that was the confusing part.. One said he didnt know what I was talking about, another said i had said that, but i hadn't.. and than later one changed his story. I forwarded everything to my ex..and he seemed fine, than this morning... he told me horrid things. said that I was a liar, that i manipulated people into alliance, that I dont love him, and only love myself, that I talked shit about him and later told him that i loved him, that I lie and start drama and that Hes glad that all the misery he spent with me made him as cold as he is today..
when i read that i burst into tears, i even threw up. I had to go to work and had to be brave, but as soon as I got home I cried without limit. Im even crying now. I won't ever forget this, and I can tell you all right now i am broken. I have reached my limit. I want to die. I want to crawl into a hole and die. The one person i love more than anything wont listen to me, and whats worse, i never ever ever ever did anything like that that. never said such words never.
I reached my mark. I can't keep being happy. I cant keep smiling when the one thing that has ever made me happy is now gone for good. I cant. Im so sorry. i CANT be happy. not after this. Im afraid Ill end up taking pills, I just feel like i burden everyone now. How can humanity be so cruel to me.. Ive given up hope in humanity. Ive reached my lowest. even I cant get up from this. I dont know what to do anymore.
I want to apologize to everyone for this blog, you know that it's not like me, but i have no hope now. no hope
VIEW 8 of 8 COMMENTS
kirin_ka:
Cliche, but it will get better over time, and humanity will always have hope. If there was something I could do to help you see a brighter I'd be more than willing. Don't give up, you'll find your true happiness.
fallenbaptist:
Just breathe. I was betrayed like this once. The pain felt immense. I had never faced anything like it before. It seemed to come in waves and seemed endless. I had to focus and just breathe. Should you need a friendly voice, just ask.