sourgrapes

Ok. I'm better now. I took a couple of days and recalibrated myself. I have been sober for a little over a week now. Its really hard not drinking.its not that I've been drinking a lot since I joined the military anyway but now that I'm not trying to drink its on my mind and I get the shakes. I'm weird like that. I can walk around with a pack of ciggarettes in my pocket all day and not want one but if I don't have 'em I desperately need it. I've always been like that. I don't have normal addictions. It just kinda sux that I have to face the fact that I do have a problem. I don't know if I can constitute it as alcoholism but I will admit to having a problem. I can't drink socially like normal people can. No matter where I am if there is alcohol being served I get way too drunk to the point that I black out.I drink until there is nothing else to drink.and I know that ill never be able to have 3 drinks over the course of a night and be satisfied like a social or healthy drinker can.if I have 1 ill have 15. Its embarassing, but its true. Now ill just have to deal with it. I know ill never be able to drink normal, but I also know ill never stay sober either.I guess thems the breaks.