sorrowsjoy

"Empty isn't she?".....Here at the turbulent and bumpy end of trying to sleep I find myself alone in this hotel room-Normally I would enjoy the solitude--I can experience all my messy emotions alone better and since the numbness has all but melted the past week I have been feeling their heavy sighs and inarticulated pains--And now I don't want to be alone--I have been coming closer and closer to the idea that I should stop pushing things back in the cheese holes of my mind and share myself entirely--But it frightens me more than anything--I feel like I'm 5 again defensless crying in the dark for someone to care enough--To have the courage to defend me--And this vulnerability has handicapped me--I have scared so many people away because of my past--I'm way to intense and serious they say---But they nevr cared to find out the truth--I am so much more--I pray fiercely evryday in hope that I am--Do I appear so empty to everyone?--I guess I might but I'm ready to confess but I don't how to say it--

Oh please just ask me
And I will tell you
This heart and soul
Isn't so empty and full of holes
Ready to be born back in the world
Words springing to chapped lips
Voice cracking in unused bits
The whisperings of a frightened child
Who in innocence looks to all of them
For a home
Scars stretched in a painful grip for them all to see
"I am damaged but you can love me all the same"
Eyes still closed to terrified to look
That she may be speaking to an empty room


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Monday--Edited to add--Siblings!! They spread disease ahaha or more like *cough* *cough*--Think I just spit up a lung and ohh apologies over the visual but I'll think I'll drape this on the chair lol--I have a high fever at the moment--Enough to be a big mouth--God I'm a big dork--Well if the keys weren'r swimming under my fingers --And man the body aches over the Fibro--Hell it would hurt less if I stabbed a hand--Wait I need that hand *ahem* --Hmm know one said loose lips could tranfer to the keyboard--Ok that sentence came out ALL the wrong way haha--I'm listening to Ani Difranco from one of her live concerts--I had the yummy honor of seeing her live and she is hilarious--Can someone say Lit!Lit!Lit!--The whole damn band lol--Anyways I have been going over these words for like the sixth time cuz of mistakes lol--I better go before my foot is back in my mouth....



Kate Bekinsale