sorrowsjoy

Hmm finally found the motivation to write a more thorough update as depression and this suffocating hotel room have kept me down--On a good note the internet connect here is free and we actually have a Broadband connection!!--Damn dial-up lol--Anyways we are hoping to be in a home within the next month though thinking about it temporarily scrambles the neurons in my brain--Ohh wait they were already that way --Yes the past month and some odd days has taken a much larger toll on the family and our rough edges are showing--This is the second time we have come so close to being on the streets that line being so thin--But we are surviving with more grace than I thought possible and the hotel staff has been good to us as we our on first name basis now--As to all my internet friends I have missed all of you more than you will know and I hope for your patience as I am trying to catch up with everyone--But here for your viewing pleasure is more of my writing--Enjoy.



I'm staying sane even though it hurts
You cannot see who I once was
You cannot see the reason I've come to this
I've got to walk away
Never know how it got this way
Never know why it was
What have I done to get to here
Why have I come this far
I'm staying sane even though it hurts
Can you see the pain in me pushing you away
Can you see the sun that burns my eyes from your light of day
Do you see why I hide while you live in the light?
I've got to walk away
I dont know how things got this way
How selfish ways have come to play
Never knew I could be this way
How did I let things get this way
Im staying sane even though it hurts
I've got to walk away


Rubicon
Praying for myself.
These thoughts I try to hide.
I have faith in me and hope this will survive.
But it's tearing me apart.
I can't hear the words by which I guide.
So I must ask again who will carry me.

I will not deny that nothing can defend
from the helplessness that's cutting deep inside,
and I cannot prevent the thought that nothing's real.
Seems I've waited years for this day to end.

The strength I need to feel, the pride inside of me,
Are not there behind the face staring back at me.
The anger and the pain of knowing where I am.
I have come so far and I cannot return.

Nothing I can do that I have not done.
No words I can say. No truth left that I can see.
So must I let this end so everything falls apart.
Before I live the life as I have always done.

Tell me what to do so I do nothing wrong.
Something I can hope for. Something real that I can see.
So nothing falls apart. So that it does not end.
I cannot return. I can't start again.
-VNV Nation