sorrowsjoy

Well I guess it's time for an update lol--Things are kinda hard right now--My sleep has gotten worse if that is even possible--I find myself up for 24-30 hours at a time before I crash into exhaustion--And my docs will not increase my sleep meds even though I have a disease that causes excruciating pain and fatigue--I'm just about ready to give up on them because my brain and emotions just have reached their limit--My brother is home now for about a week--For newcomers--yeah right lol--He was hospitalized for a month and had major surgery done--He has Crohn's disease,and of course it's genetic as well--I think my bro,sis,and I ended up on the wrong side of the genetic pool haha --But I am thrilled he is home--I missed him terribly--Anyways I keep forging ahead because I am stubborn and have found a new love for life I didn't know I had after everything that has happened to me in life--Check out the groups I am in and you'll get an idea of where I have been--well still am but fuck semantics lol--Here's a poem that is just flat out scathing and dripping with disdain--Enjoy!!


Oh to be beautiful just for a day
To bask in the warmth of so many eyes
And look, everybody knows my name
Oh to be lovely and revel in the shallow glamour
That shines from my supple skin,so smooth and soft

Oh to have all the answers
The wisdom I impart,listened to by the millions
Oh to be the genius whose smirk pays tribute to
All the brainless brutes who can only be pitied

Oh to be loved and put on a pedastal
Climb up your ladders and whisper sweet NOTHINGS
As God holds me in his hand
And when, and if, I choose, I'll set you free

And Oh to be the monster killing with sweet precision
Cutting and burning the innocent in their tragic submission
And Oh to not care for anything but my base notions
And even jailed so many people and their morbid devotions

And Oh to manipulate,so many strings to pull in hate
Machevillian machinations,not realizing your own
Life is being used and pulled to someone else's tune
(How amusing)

So gentle readers,just a small sample of our secret longings
The Grey spreading its tendrils of cancer through the
Black and White,the supposed absolutions of modern life
So stop and think Why? and How?
And pray that we humans aren't just a scourge,a disease
a mutation,nature gone wrong



Lexi- That above is not my own personal philosophy but I see it in so many faces and have had first hand experience with two people who taught me about the dark side of things way to early so I had to write about it--I apologize if it was done clumsily but I had to start somewhere--Hopefully I will be more articulate in the future--Love all you guys!!