sorrowsjoy

Having finally slept this morning I'm feeling a bit more grounded though the fatigue is always present and I'm still hacking my head off though my lungs are back where their supposed to be lol--And of course I'm always hooked to my earphones listening to Corvus Corax--Ore Dragonis--Music calms my thoughts and keeps me connected to my emotions--I have the rather bad habit of running from them or feeling them overwhelmingly--Finding the balance has become one of the greater focuses of my life--But there is one emotion that has seeped its way into my soul little by little--Absolute fury--The one feeling I disassociated from the most in my life because I couldn't articulate it in a way that well wouldn't send people running--And I have been dreaming again about my "Bogeymen"--And all the nights they visited me in the many years as a child--I feel like a keg of gunpowder--Light me up and watch at the amazing explosion--But I just choke down the fury and its vile tatse--And my anger is always a precursor to the inevitable sadness,melancholy--Such a dilemna I see--If I want friendship do I keep all this to myself?--And who in their right mind would want to take it any further?--My mouth is bloody from biting back to many words........



As this terrible anger threatens to unwind
I fear that I won't get through this unscathed as I divide
Shame and guilt war branding wounds
Will I fall apart again and so soon?

Shout into the bedlam of static wailing
The desparate thumping of a heart slowly dying
Skin melting to strip away all pretense and fear
Memories rushing through warmed veins
Whispering in the background "We are still here"

Scars pulsing in unison with the change
As fire dances in front of my eyes in such a hypnotic way
(Thump)Let it go(Thump)Breathe it in(Thump)It is your day!!

And so I stand
To understand
What has befallen

A harsh chuckle drifts to my ears
And so I turn the image in the mirror so clear
The figure that is me laughs and says
"I am your monster and you have set me free!"