sorrow

So I'm in oakland airport bout an hour away from flying back into pdx. I'm not excited about leaving cali or cuming back to ptown. I had a lot of fun on my trip! But there were sum things that had changed, he didn't look at me the same way as often as b4. Only when we r alone this time. I'm cuming home with an open mind and heart..filled with clarity but oozing confusion out my pores. I know the heart is stronger than the mind but not every battle is won with strength either. I now understand the full meaning of love, and how easy it is to realize u are capable of doing so with every inch of your being but just not being able to speak about . That secret that eats away at your insides and leaves fuzzy shit behind. Not a bad fuzzy feling but no matter what u say to them or who u talk it out with u never really seem right...that fuzzy tingle is always there through all chaos and pain....but when he looks at me through his honest eyes i Can still feel it. The tingle is now a full vibration, a hum. Joy that I just don't feel often enough. He makes me high..without drugs but with them both I can float without care and know that in his presemce ill b ssafe a happy, aand I can feel the inevitability of that. He may not relaize now what I can provide and how understandably I can love and need to b loved the same way. For loving sorrow may sound sad I choose to see it as a more of a shakespearian point of view on love. Real love cums from true hearts. True hearts are often scarred just because they r true. If life g u the chance to find someone true of heart when there's no truth left in your own heart its telling u to hold onto that person....keep their energy in your life, and true thoughts of them in your heart. Yes only time will tell if I will ever b yours...would u ever want me to b? At one point I was certain of the answers to these questions but now I have wonder. But u will never tell me will u? I wouldn't expect u to....id always wondered if u would ever take me into your life someday at at this point I'm willing live in wonderland for a while with white rabbits, cheshire cats, n living decks of cards that will decapitate u with one word from the queen! I'm up for a little adventure and heartbreak. Id want u to b the one to break my heart if I came to it. Your love and heartbreak u give would still fill sorrow with joy...the same lil fuzzies that just linger in the back of your heart and stomach! I kno u will see the different kind of love and support I can bring into your life...and that no time will ever change the love I have to support your mind, body, soul, and pocket. I'm true 2myself now and have been for a while...and when u love truly u can except that not everyone wants to, or has the strength to love u back the way u need. But with loving u, I've learned that that the power of the heart goes beyond strength and is truly undeniable! We had a willingness to open our hearts to the truth when we first met and I kno that when its time to set aside the untrue lovers in our life you may b left with that fuzzy lil feeling....and ill be in wonderland when u r ready to love me truly. True love may not always have romance but romance will always want to have true love. Ill always kkep my heart open to being loved...but when u say your ready my heart will close and wonderland will become a reoccuring dream....a place one should only visit if their willing to dream of you forever. I'm still a lil out of it from last night so that may sound like mushy babble.