Friday Jan 30, 2009

0
Apparently god gives people as much as they can handle.....god is a pile of bullshit to justify the fact life sucks more for some people.

ive tried to stay strong and i have been happy this new year. I ignored the fact my dad didnt think to tell me he had sold my family home...i wish him and his new family the best glad they can profit from the little i thought i had. I laughed although it hurt when my mum called last week to tell me i am going to end up alone and ask whats wrong with me? why cant a man love me...was gonna say probably the same reason you cant.

I was fine until last night

My friend invited me to an eagles of death metal gig, we had exclusive pastes etc. meeting the band was cool, although they didnt talk to me too much. I thought it was because im young and so they associated with my friend more. My friend who kept telling me off. my friend who shouted the insult 'thats cos they are veneers' when a guy from the band commented on my smile.a friend who scoffed when another guy said i was the most beautiful girl in the room.... great friend.

It wasnt that its the fact i was regressed. taken back to every time iv been called black by someone white, called white by someone black, been called too focused on my career by boyfriends, been called too fat by my mother, crazy by my father, too nice by my friends, different. Everyone always points out my differences

i guess thats why i get tattooed, im different now because i choose to be.

Last night i was warned to stay away from the lead guy....because he hates 'niggers'

oh joy! i thought its ok,thats ok i can be strong and polite. its obviously his misunderstanding not my flaw.....but it hurt! the same way it hurts that i always get called a gang member when i wear a rockabilly bandana. it hurts that when i sat at total rock radio in a meshuggah tshirt the manager still stated they dont play hip hop.

im sick and tired of people making judgements about me and because im nice they think they have the right to express it!!!No im not like anyone ive ever met i dont fit in a box

but sometimes all i want is a hug and to be told im fine just the way i am, i dont know why this upset me it just did. i guess it seems everyone i know, even the strong ones have someone to carry them if they feel weak and lose faith in themselves. guess thats all i wanted today. tomorrow is a new day.




idgas:
I can only tell you that from what you write you are bright, from your pictures you are gorgeous, and you are surrounded by too many idiots. Don't change the first two and lose as many of the idiots as possible and those that you cannot limit the amount of time you spend around them.

I send a hug.
tmouse:
To be honest, being back in the rat race sucks. I've been back a week, and although it's good to see certain people again and to finally eat some meat (2 weeks on a vegetarian diet almost drove me insane, did lose a few inches around my waist though), I wish I'd have just stayed out there, even if it's just for a few more days.

Little adventures are great (although I have no idea what lindy hop actually is confused ), when you say rock climbing, do you mean dry walls or actual outside climbing? Either way, how'd you enjoy it?

If you don't mind me asking, are you originally from Uganda, or did you move out there then end up in the UK? (I'm assuming here that your profile info is accurate). Kenya was cool though, the people I met were really friendly (even the guys at the airport in Mombasa carrying assault rifles had smiles on their faces... which, to be honest, was a little disconcerting) and it's such a chilled out place it's great.

So what's the next adventure you've got planned out? I'm thinking save up a little money then pick a random island, book a flight and go dive it smile

More Blogs