sophast

Hey folks,

Well, I am alive...mostly. Yeah, you could say I had a helluva scare this past week. I had a total of 5 seizures and landed myself in the ER. I have never had any neurological problems before and they didn't find any signs that I have epilepsy...so I don't really know what the fuck happened. All I know is it scared the shit outta me, my wife, and my family. I'm still pretty scared and even had what I believe to be a full-blown panic attack when I went back to work. I'm also afraid most nights to go to sleep, as the seizures began while I was sleeping. I may have fallen out of bed and hit my head which triggered them. Apparently, I had told my wife, " Hun, I hit my head and it hurts." She rolled over and saw me unconscious on the floor next to the bed....and could NOT wake me up. So we don't know if I fell out of bed, hit my head, and then had the seizures, or if I had a seizure and consequently fell out bed. Either way...nightime is not fun for me anymore.

My memory and spelling have also been affected. I couldn't remember certain events that had happened earlier in the day, and I even now have trouble with certain things. It sucks...bad. I don't feel like me anymore. I'm on so much damn medication that I might as well be an empty shell. Drugs for seizures, acute anxiety/panic attacks, depression, high blood pressure, anemia, etc. I'm a shadow of the man I once was.....

All is not doom and gloom though. Work has been pleasantly fullfilling and I feel good having routine and normalcy in my day. I have also been out for short hikes in the woods trying to put things in perspective. I took some photos of blossoming flowers and butterflies and am pretty pleased with the results. I think there is some irony of blossoming, growth, and metamorphasis within the photos....enjoy.









and the same image cropped....



Thanks again for all your well-wishes, warm thoughts and "get betters"! I will, I'm on the road to recovery and won't let this shit keep me down for long.