soph

i definitely have a cold. argh.

this morning i skipped school to sleep more; i needed it. i haven't been able to sleep at all lately, and no it's not just because i live above a rehearsal studio.

on saturday morning when i woke up i found that there was strawberry jam in my bike helmet. i'm intrigued. i knew it was strawberry because of the little seeds; i didn't actually taste it.

i hate being pessured. i will refuse to do a really fun thing just because someone is putting pressure on me to do it. i will NOT be forced into doing anything. i can't take it; it brings out the worst in me, even if someone i'm really close to, really love, is asking. i get icy and haughty (which i hate). i want to make my own decisions. but ironically, i'm really bad at decision-making. what a paradox i am. i guess i can't stand not being in control; people often wouldn't guess that about me but it's true. i hate to admit it, but i recently realized that's probably why i've been dating younger guys for years -- they're sweet and easier to manipulate. dowwnside: they break my heart over and over because they don't know what they want out of life, or me, or even sex.

I'm going to buy my new bike now -- yessss! i'll post pics tomorrow.

i just want someone to hold hands with in the grocery store.