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NEWS RELEASE:

A major research institution has announced the discovery of the heaviest
element yet known to science - "Governmentium." It has 1 neutron, 12
assistant neutrons, 75 deputy neutrons and 111 assistant deputy neutrons
for an atomic mass of 312. These 312 particles are held together by forces
called morons that are further surrounded by vast quantities of
lepton-like sub particles called peons.

Governmentium has no electrons and is, therefore, inert. It can be
detected, however, since it impedes every reaction it comes into contact
with. A tiny amount of Governmentium can take a reaction that normally
occurs in seconds and slow it to the point where it takes days.

Governmentium has a normal half-life of four years. It doesn't decay
but "re-organizes"; a process where assistant deputy neutrons and deputy
neutrons change places. This process actually causes it to grow as in
the confusion some morons become neutrons, thereby forming isodopes.

This phenomenon of "moron promotion" has led to some speculation that
Governmentium forms whenever sufficient morons meet in concentration
forming critical morass. Researches believe that in Governmentium, the more you re-organize, the morass you cover.