Well disaster more-or-less put off. It was just a really huge fight with my dad, my dad's fiance, and my dad's best friend. Trite sounding now, but I've never actually been in a fight with my dad so it was pretty fucking shattering. He's always been sort of a friend and not a father. I don't think he's ever forbidden me from doing anything and when we argue it's about politics. Last night was screaming and tears and banging tables and whatnot. I sort of half kicked myself out of the house, and was half kicked out of the house, hence the sort of terse message last night. He started telling me all of these rather hurtful things about accomplishment and self-reliance (stemming from my not having a drivers licence, petty, no?) and having a "proper" job and things. I told him that if he'd ever acted like a real father and tried to engage me on any level other than the superficial he'd know that all of what he was saying either 1) I already knew and agonized over far too much, or 2) that he was utterly full of shit. It ended rather poorly with me sleeping in a field.
English propriety being what it is, he's more or less ignoring it today. Still, I am really hurt and everything is weird and awkward and I need to leave the house. I could go to New York and actually make physical efforts to find a flat, but I can't bring Nadja as I'd not have anywhere to stay and probably would just be pretending I belonged on the couches of New School dorms or staying of friend's floors. So I'd have to kennel him and I don't have the money (not to mention he's not got an updated rabies shot because I've not the money for that!). Or I could try and convince Theis to come down here and find a fucking place with me rather than making me do all the work. Then we could live in his car and all would be well. As is I might move to Jersey for a month in September and use that as a place to actually get into the city and find flats.
Either way, my work's bollocksed because I feel so weird and can't concentrate. I spent literally hours today reading online comics (damn you) and listening to Gorecki and Kancheli. It's like pretentious emo.
English propriety being what it is, he's more or less ignoring it today. Still, I am really hurt and everything is weird and awkward and I need to leave the house. I could go to New York and actually make physical efforts to find a flat, but I can't bring Nadja as I'd not have anywhere to stay and probably would just be pretending I belonged on the couches of New School dorms or staying of friend's floors. So I'd have to kennel him and I don't have the money (not to mention he's not got an updated rabies shot because I've not the money for that!). Or I could try and convince Theis to come down here and find a fucking place with me rather than making me do all the work. Then we could live in his car and all would be well. As is I might move to Jersey for a month in September and use that as a place to actually get into the city and find flats.
Either way, my work's bollocksed because I feel so weird and can't concentrate. I spent literally hours today reading online comics (damn you) and listening to Gorecki and Kancheli. It's like pretentious emo.