somuchrain

i caught up on sleep a little, or at least i feel better, which is sort of all that matters in terms of sleep. i got some decent work done last night and this morning. i'm putting my thesis on hold to work on the seperatism/secessionist talk. the IAS asked me to turn it into a paper for their journal and now it's turned from talking about anarchism in front of a bunch of insane back-to-the-land hippies to a serious work which is to be presented to most of my role models. ehh, any road up, hopefully i'll do a good job, or something .. fuck i don't know... this journal thing has turned from fun to a diversion and i might as well be typing gibberish. ... truly, what is news is that today i drank fancy italian liquour rather than old crow, and i've been shite at rolling cigarettes - scholarship is fuck all at the moment, and the thing i do when i can't sleep and when i can't bare to be in the house with my flatmates. it might be interesting and i might be learning, but i'm sick of reading all the time and writing and studying because it's what i've always done and it's getting dull, my 'self-enrichment' as one prof. in new york put it, is on hold until i find something that makes me feel like it's worth enriching anything. that solitary scholar shit is a load of bollocks, a cop out. maybe i just need to be back in a department where i feel challenged by something other than myself .. fuck all, i don't know.