Not to wax too metaphorical, but its been raining nearly non-stop since my birthday. Some days its been a lovely rain, and things are certainly getting greener. I cant help, though, but wonder how much the grey and gloom are effecting my mood. Im not even in particularly that foul a mood. Ive been doing good work today, working through some things that I need to, and figuring out how things will connect once Ive written more. But Im worrying. I quit my job because it was miserable in ways jobs arent normally. Personal ways and obligation ways. So now Ive no income, though plenty of money saved up (for a new tattoo) and Im going through my books and CD s looking for things to sell. I cant decide if having a car, not to mention a license, would make this easier. Id be able to find a job that was just normally god-awful. Vermonts got a really terrible economy and jobs are very hard to find. Ill be even lucky to find farm work. People move up here for the summers to work on farms, and Ill be competing with people whove come here in the summer for years.
So its grey and the pond is overflowing. Theres a pipe from the pond which makes a little river around the fire-pit in our back yard thats overflowing. Ive been listening to Tom Waits Dirt in the Ground all day, off and on, and it just perfectly fits the mood. Sam the cat is bored and wandering around the Secret Room looking for mice and the dogs are sitting on my flatmates bed looking out the window at the rain. Tomorrow is my Mamos birthday and I want to call her but we dont have long distance and Im not sure where I can get an international phone card around here. Shes just had eye surgery and, the mother tells me, is depressed. As is my mother. I dont pay enough attention to my family because its awkward, and on days like this I remember. The last time my father saw me cry, and the last time we had a conversation about ourselves, was in 9th grade. The last time I saw him cry, and I think the only time, was at ground zero when my dorm was cleared for my moving back in.
So its rainy in a bad way, and Im alone in the dark house with my mind wandering, the dogs are bored, and Im drinking whiskey and listening to Schubert.
So its grey and the pond is overflowing. Theres a pipe from the pond which makes a little river around the fire-pit in our back yard thats overflowing. Ive been listening to Tom Waits Dirt in the Ground all day, off and on, and it just perfectly fits the mood. Sam the cat is bored and wandering around the Secret Room looking for mice and the dogs are sitting on my flatmates bed looking out the window at the rain. Tomorrow is my Mamos birthday and I want to call her but we dont have long distance and Im not sure where I can get an international phone card around here. Shes just had eye surgery and, the mother tells me, is depressed. As is my mother. I dont pay enough attention to my family because its awkward, and on days like this I remember. The last time my father saw me cry, and the last time we had a conversation about ourselves, was in 9th grade. The last time I saw him cry, and I think the only time, was at ground zero when my dorm was cleared for my moving back in.
So its rainy in a bad way, and Im alone in the dark house with my mind wandering, the dogs are bored, and Im drinking whiskey and listening to Schubert.
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