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somuchrain

oh son go down to the water

Member Since 2005

Followers 11 Following 30

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Saturday May 20, 2006

May 19, 2006
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I went to work today after skipping since Monday. I just couldn't be bothered. I mean, why? It's $6 an hour. I told my boss today, in the five minuets I was there, that my mother had been in a car crash and had broken her legs. He knew my phone had been cut off since last weekend, which, unlike everything else, isn't a lie. I'd been in the hospital by her side all week, hence skipping work. I'd be back in time for Monday though! Her mother (who actually lives in Galway) was coming to be by her side. I actually made it sound like I, who had just skipped a week of work for no reason, was sacrificing something (making my grandmother drive down from Maine (?) to sit by my mother's broken side) to go to work. I just needed to pick up my check to pay for gas tomorrow (Saturday) so we can drive to Vermont.

Vermont, you say? Yes, Vermont. Ilana volunteered to drive me to Vermont so I can meet with the president of my school and give my final presentation on my paper ... my 'thesis presentation' (at least they didn't call it a defense) and thus, be nearly done, and graduated like a cylinder (how topical! a chemistry joke!)

I want to go back to Vermont. The best of my life was in Vermont. I became, in an obvious and traceable way, who I am today there. I basically lived High School there, even though I wasn't in school for most of it, and was already halfway through my junior year of college when I moved there. It's a lovely place with many lovely people I miss and whom I want to see, still living there. I will take pictures I hope will be good, and, hopefully, drink a lot and have fun. I also want to be closer to being done with this useless and stupid degree.

Yet, I dont' want to go to Vermont because it is full of ghosts and sad, horrible and pathetic memories. I don't want to go there because it was an escape and everyone still there is tempting me to go back and I don't just want to live that way anymore. It was beautiful and made me feel so utterly alive for reasons that I don't particularly want to. Vermont was a psychopathic. An escape, hell, psychosomatic. I also will miss Iggy too much. She works so much at a job, and I work so much editing that when she gets home from work I've just done with my work and am ready to get up and start drinking and hanging out with people and she's just ready to cuddle and go to sleep. I cherish all the moment we're at the same level of energy and don't want to risk a night she has off.

It's such a horrible and shite tight-rope: not quite living with someone. I'm just sick of joblessness, and mostly-homelessness, and entirely-too-pointlessness. I just want a home and a job and something fun to do, and a group of friends we both like and are comfortable around, and a nest-egg for when "we're ready" and just fucking some ... christ ... is it that? is it the plot of all 20 something movies? a point?

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