Conf[e]ssion isn't ever beautiful.
Nor, cliche. Nor, speachlessness.
I went to work today. My boss was fine with my not being there on Wednesday. "People who know you ... they like your work." Not a journal. I am more reliable than his other employees. We stack B&Bs and "why didn't you?" and why is it so dark and what is with all the soulless stupid and insipid jazz? Why do we have to do the most depressive momvements in the most pathetic environents? Lift leg, lift left side of lip, smirk, joke about your job, joke about being payed to love the food, raise right side of eyebrow: right eyebrow to contrast left lip. He is just another person I don't want to be an employee 'with'.
On the way to,
I am really bad with change. Theis is moving in and Iggy moved out; I hadn't had any time off in a very long time, and now I'm at work again. I had some money for a few days, and now I have $17. I thought I had less than a month in this pit with Theis and no Iggy next to me (awwwww!) and nothing else and now I realize I have more than a month extra. It was cold, and then it was warm, and now it is cold again. I'm sick of talking about the significance of seasons. It's also raining, a cold, tedious rain that itches when you get home and take your hoodie off to hang on the doorknob after 11 hours of work that don't pay you more than 5 dollars an hour on a normal night .... I felt at home, and now I feel basically homeless. How fucking cliche is homelessness? I mean mental (what, spiritual????) homelessness. Shopping for books when she met me at my old school. Like it will mean anything more if I literally have no place to sleep? Like sleeping on a bench makes you a better writer/painter/musician/artist? I am also a year older. "You don't make love to me anymore, you fuck me." And, Jesus, I'm so tired when I get home from work, and so happy to fall into a cold, slightly wet, vaguley chemical, and general not-worthy-of-either-of-us-bed and and into her arms and "we drove around for a while, he put his hand on my tit ... we parked and we fucked like crazy, and you know what, I came before he did." And I feel old even though I know. I'm not, but it's part of the entire cliche (growing up) of being cliche, when you're growing up. Owning your house is part of mopeing, and mopping. Fucking has nothing on mopping. Not to be too (too melodramatic (catharsis, WhAAAAttttt), but everything feels like a change for the worse - and I was relying on this last week to be a big step into 'my finding the life I wanted.'
'.' ....
Now I feel trapped in one direction and gagged in another.
"Her momentium suddenly stopped."
There's a scene in "We Don't Live Here Anymore" where Naomi Watts' character tells Mark Ruffalo's character "impotent though you are ... *something unimportant*" and the look on Ruffalo's face is more significant than the rest of the movie and most of the words I've written and most of the looks I've had.
He dug into his arms like looking for lost treasure, like a captain with no mast: like a lost pirate: a map with no compass ... when I knew him. I was too fucking young and he too fucking immature and old. Another: he emptied me over ten minuets, and only three people know it ever happened. She emptied herself. It was pathetic, even I can say that. Bells and crying. God what a wheeping; wrending of denims. s(s, s)She filled herself and made me something inside-out-like in the cafeteria. Zi was finished at 6.42 am, give or take. he couldn't do anything. She wanted too much. SHE fashist dances. I dance confused SHE talks. i mumble SHE stammers and i cut my hair, buy fancy jeans and perfume myself and,...; drink. He was shuffling and rolling a last cigarette, unwilling to kill history with her. She was just too drunk with she. She and she always - and nothing of he, even though . He would erase he. Asking too many questions.
What, you're glad she kissed me? "What, I'm just kidding?"
Our babies will have lizard ears and be more beautiful than baby pandas. "What?"
"I want to have mammels." I want a pouch to make all the mammels a home.
"You just want security." I just want mammals.
Nor, cliche. Nor, speachlessness.
I went to work today. My boss was fine with my not being there on Wednesday. "People who know you ... they like your work." Not a journal. I am more reliable than his other employees. We stack B&Bs and "why didn't you?" and why is it so dark and what is with all the soulless stupid and insipid jazz? Why do we have to do the most depressive momvements in the most pathetic environents? Lift leg, lift left side of lip, smirk, joke about your job, joke about being payed to love the food, raise right side of eyebrow: right eyebrow to contrast left lip. He is just another person I don't want to be an employee 'with'.
On the way to,
I am really bad with change. Theis is moving in and Iggy moved out; I hadn't had any time off in a very long time, and now I'm at work again. I had some money for a few days, and now I have $17. I thought I had less than a month in this pit with Theis and no Iggy next to me (awwwww!) and nothing else and now I realize I have more than a month extra. It was cold, and then it was warm, and now it is cold again. I'm sick of talking about the significance of seasons. It's also raining, a cold, tedious rain that itches when you get home and take your hoodie off to hang on the doorknob after 11 hours of work that don't pay you more than 5 dollars an hour on a normal night .... I felt at home, and now I feel basically homeless. How fucking cliche is homelessness? I mean mental (what, spiritual????) homelessness. Shopping for books when she met me at my old school. Like it will mean anything more if I literally have no place to sleep? Like sleeping on a bench makes you a better writer/painter/musician/artist? I am also a year older. "You don't make love to me anymore, you fuck me." And, Jesus, I'm so tired when I get home from work, and so happy to fall into a cold, slightly wet, vaguley chemical, and general not-worthy-of-either-of-us-bed and and into her arms and "we drove around for a while, he put his hand on my tit ... we parked and we fucked like crazy, and you know what, I came before he did." And I feel old even though I know. I'm not, but it's part of the entire cliche (growing up) of being cliche, when you're growing up. Owning your house is part of mopeing, and mopping. Fucking has nothing on mopping. Not to be too (too melodramatic (catharsis, WhAAAAttttt), but everything feels like a change for the worse - and I was relying on this last week to be a big step into 'my finding the life I wanted.'
'.' ....
Now I feel trapped in one direction and gagged in another.
"Her momentium suddenly stopped."
There's a scene in "We Don't Live Here Anymore" where Naomi Watts' character tells Mark Ruffalo's character "impotent though you are ... *something unimportant*" and the look on Ruffalo's face is more significant than the rest of the movie and most of the words I've written and most of the looks I've had.
He dug into his arms like looking for lost treasure, like a captain with no mast: like a lost pirate: a map with no compass ... when I knew him. I was too fucking young and he too fucking immature and old. Another: he emptied me over ten minuets, and only three people know it ever happened. She emptied herself. It was pathetic, even I can say that. Bells and crying. God what a wheeping; wrending of denims. s(s, s)She filled herself and made me something inside-out-like in the cafeteria. Zi was finished at 6.42 am, give or take. he couldn't do anything. She wanted too much. SHE fashist dances. I dance confused SHE talks. i mumble SHE stammers and i cut my hair, buy fancy jeans and perfume myself and,...; drink. He was shuffling and rolling a last cigarette, unwilling to kill history with her. She was just too drunk with she. She and she always - and nothing of he, even though . He would erase he. Asking too many questions.
What, you're glad she kissed me? "What, I'm just kidding?"
Our babies will have lizard ears and be more beautiful than baby pandas. "What?"
"I want to have mammels." I want a pouch to make all the mammels a home.
"You just want security." I just want mammals.