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somewhat_damaged

Member Since 2003

Followers 168 Following 234

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Monday Oct 09, 2006

Oct 9, 2006
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concuss : agitate : elicit

It was cold today, more so then I wanted it to be.
I feel like I've lied to myself in a few ways.
I miss, who I was at one point...and I don't like who I am now.

I want to excel and become more then what I am now but its like I'm holding myself back.
I don't know if I fear change or I'm to lazy to put forth the effort.

I do miss Morgan often. I have to be honest, I've said some mean things about her in order to make her not like very much. The end result was a success in the fact that she and I are no longer friends let alone...anything. I did this because she doesn't need me, nobody does. Still I regret that...but it was her decision to break up and I just hope she's happier without me.

I'm supposed to be shooting my sisters wedding this January but I'm nervous and I'm worried that I wont be able to get enough practice in before it happens, but work is so busy that I cant pull myself away from it long enough to take peoples pictures.

Meko is the only one that I see when I wake up, and last thing before I sleep. She is my only friend...sad to say this but its true.

I'm tired of having to bring myself to tell the friends I have, that I don't want them around me.

Here's a tip: When you make plans with me to do "something" and the day comes when we do that "thing"...call me to tell me when your going to be at my apartment. Don't just assume anytime is good because my time is precious.

My mother is engaged to Pam. My dad called me and told me how "not funny" my mother's craziness is.

I think my mother is just making another mistake, I cant remember how many fucking times shes told me about all the bad things Pam has done. But I don't think I can care about it much because, shes an adult. I don't meant to sound rude, I'm trying to be blunt when I say; She can clean up her own mess.

If shes happy with Pam good...if not then I don't know what to think. I don't like it very much and I don't like Pam. I just don't want to have to ever deal with Pam. I've seen my mother crying because of her, I've helped her move from one place to the next. Pam's involvement with my mother was (from what I saw) negative. I was between my mother and father while they fought, and it sucked...I was alone.

That's about the same time I met Morgan, and she saved me from some bullshit. I just suck ass and couldn't be more for her...

Hurray I'm depressed...and its all my fault how wonderful, I SUCK !
VIEW 6 of 6 COMMENTS
phunkybrewster:
how did your pics turn out? amazingly awesome i'll betcha
<3
miss your headphone geek
kiss kiss kiss
Oct 14, 2006
ghost333:
It's not about being hot, it's about if you can handle being cold or not. I wanted to hit you with a thought I had. There was a time I felt much more together then I am now, in so many ways.
I'm learning to read music and just progressed from reading easy stuff, progressing into harder more intricate and interesting stuff. Upon starting this progression I feel like I'm lost, having it so together on the easier level. If you catch my drift it's all just growing and learning, progressing.
biggrin
Oct 17, 2006

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