I've got about a week left of membership here. I think I might opt out of the cancelling and stay on. It depends on how much money I get make this next weekend. There's a big party going on at my work, and if I can get in as a bartender, than I'm set for awhile. If I get just one of the basic serving staff positions for the party, then I'll just make enough for rent.
The sun is dull here. Portland dull, like it always is. Last night's beer and whiskey pull out into the insides of my cheaks this morning. A large group of friends met to celebrate someone's birthday.
It's strange to sit in a large pack of people that you know, love, and respect for a variety of reasons, and only know the last names of one of the people at the table.
This is the life here in Portland. This is the fantasy, the compelling aspect, the dreamboat showcase for a 20-something's life. Lowered consequences, insane expectations, vibrant social engagements. Everybody is as real as they want to be.
It's wonderful here, mostly because it's not as bad as it is in LA, or New York, where everybody has an agenda. People are themselves here, after a certain period of adjustment that is.
It's also strange to live in a place that many people want to live in, and want to know the secrets of. Last night, I sat with a girl who'd lived in Portland her whole life. We made satiric (yet loving) comments on the immigrants around us who were obviously new to the city. I felt, in some way, both elitist and elected. I was allowed. I am in.
Just in time to get out.
Fate, it seems, will not let anything be easy for me. I must trudge up every mountain, and never take the calm boat-ride down the other side of the thing.
Just as I prepare to move from Portland, the world around me gells. My jobs get better, my friends get closer and more supportive of one another, and the summer encroaches on my depressive state to highlight all the things I have, instead of the things I lack.
I knew this would be hard, and it's harder every day as July rolls on towards us.
Just at the point when it's as hard as anything I've ever done has been....that's when it will become easy.
Adam
The sun is dull here. Portland dull, like it always is. Last night's beer and whiskey pull out into the insides of my cheaks this morning. A large group of friends met to celebrate someone's birthday.
It's strange to sit in a large pack of people that you know, love, and respect for a variety of reasons, and only know the last names of one of the people at the table.
This is the life here in Portland. This is the fantasy, the compelling aspect, the dreamboat showcase for a 20-something's life. Lowered consequences, insane expectations, vibrant social engagements. Everybody is as real as they want to be.
It's wonderful here, mostly because it's not as bad as it is in LA, or New York, where everybody has an agenda. People are themselves here, after a certain period of adjustment that is.
It's also strange to live in a place that many people want to live in, and want to know the secrets of. Last night, I sat with a girl who'd lived in Portland her whole life. We made satiric (yet loving) comments on the immigrants around us who were obviously new to the city. I felt, in some way, both elitist and elected. I was allowed. I am in.
Just in time to get out.
Fate, it seems, will not let anything be easy for me. I must trudge up every mountain, and never take the calm boat-ride down the other side of the thing.
Just as I prepare to move from Portland, the world around me gells. My jobs get better, my friends get closer and more supportive of one another, and the summer encroaches on my depressive state to highlight all the things I have, instead of the things I lack.
I knew this would be hard, and it's harder every day as July rolls on towards us.
Just at the point when it's as hard as anything I've ever done has been....that's when it will become easy.
Adam
I really love the way you write, your journals always leave me thinking about moments in my life. What are you moving away for? Where to? Are you excited or scared or both?
Fate... it's a funny thing huh?
Oh, by the way, I would send you pictures for you to fix if I could but, unfortunately, my computer keeps on dying everytime I get just one picture up on the damn thing. Well, keep in touch...