BOYFRIEND APPLICATION TIME!!!! Some loser chick on myspace made a whole series of questions that can be submitted to her for approval as her boyfriend. I'm going to fill it out because I am lonely and she must love meeeeee!!!!! A bit of information: she is 18 and lists her status as "swinger."
name: Sean
age: 24
birthday: March 13, 1981
zodiac: What, I have to do everything for you? Figure it out, douchebag.
location: Pasadena, California
why do you want to be my boyfriend?! Because I'm really lonely and haven't the social skills to meet people in real life. I figure if I do enough of these boyfriend applications eventually someone might take them seriously and they will actually go out with me at which point I will clamp up and freak. If you seriously so much as discussed sex with me, I'd ejaculate then and there.
what are your hobbies? Internet.
do you like to stay in shape? I sometimes go on walks to the refrigerator and TV set.
favorite bands! The Carpenters, Air Supply, The Captain and Tenille.
do you like to wear underwear?! Yes. I get great thrills from wearing underwear. Sometimes, when a day is going slowly, I'll go and change my underwear just to spice things up. You never know what I'm going to do; I'm crazy like that.
do you fuss over looking good? Every morning I wake up and look in the mirror and realize what I look like and cry until it's time for work. So in a manner of speaking, yes.
sheets or no sheets? Ghosts should always have sheets. Rattling chains too.
which side of the bed do you prefer!? Facing the bed? Or in the bed? Because it varies based on the answer to that question. You should have thought of that before you wrote your boyfriend survey thing, I mean geez.
could you make breakfast? Yeah, but I'm not going to.
favorite color? Excellent question. Purple.
play any instruments? No, but I have often been accused of playing with MY instrument hahahahahahhahaahhahahahahahahahahhhaha oh god I am so alone.
do you believe in love at first sight? Absolutely, and you know why? Emotions as complex and beautiful as love can simply be attained by viewing a person. Anyone who tells you otherwise is cynical and clearly just doesn't think take love seriously. I mean, really, like you have to actually know anything about a person to fall in love. Those dumb bastards.
do you smoke cigarettes? No.
do you do drugs and/or alcohol? I don't so much "do" alcohol as drink it.
do you like to drawpaintother art stuff? In high school I used a four color pen I found to draw a picture of Satan winning the Miss America pageant at the exclusion of doing any work assigned to me by teachers that day. (This is actually true.)
favorite movie? Hudson Hawk.
do you cry during sad movies? I cry pretty much all the time. Sometimes I even know why.
could you watch action movies? That option is available to me, yes.
how many girls have you been with? Zero. Wait, do you mean like hung out with or dated or had sex with? Because I was thinking you just meant hanging out.
are you religious, if so what religion? Xenu will kill us all.
are you a dreamer, or are you down to earth?
...sorry, what?
favorite day of the week? Tuesday?
are you spontaneous? At about 6:45 or so usually.
would you rather stay in or go out? People laugh at me when they see me in public.
do you like to be alone sometimes?
what do you feel is the most important part of a relationship? Teabagging.
are you an innie or an outtie ((bellybutton))? Thanks for clarifying, because I thought you meant genitalia.
why should I pick you? Because if you don't I will cry. A lot. I mean it.
what is your best feature?
why would you make a great boyfriend? Because I will do everything you want me to and when you are nasty to me you will be able to make me apologize with only the most minor of manipulation. I have no self-esteem and will feel beholden to you just for tolerating me.
what do you like best about me? Your boobs.
how would you make me happy? Touching your boobs.
how happy do you think you'd make me? I dunno, really happy? How do you answer this question?
how many relationships have you had? Dozens. Oh, you mean dated. Sorry, I meant none.
whats the least important thing in a relationship? Your orgams.
why do you want me as your girlfriend? I'm really desperate. No, wait--
if we started cuddling & stuff, what would you do? Ejaculate.
if i called you at 3 am & wanted to hang out because i was feeling lonely, and bored what would you do? Ejaculate.
it's my birthday. i want a present. What would you do? Ejaculate in your mouth.
how would you show me that you really like me, in person? Man, this is getting repetitive.
name: Sean
age: 24
birthday: March 13, 1981
zodiac: What, I have to do everything for you? Figure it out, douchebag.
location: Pasadena, California
why do you want to be my boyfriend?! Because I'm really lonely and haven't the social skills to meet people in real life. I figure if I do enough of these boyfriend applications eventually someone might take them seriously and they will actually go out with me at which point I will clamp up and freak. If you seriously so much as discussed sex with me, I'd ejaculate then and there.
what are your hobbies? Internet.
do you like to stay in shape? I sometimes go on walks to the refrigerator and TV set.
favorite bands! The Carpenters, Air Supply, The Captain and Tenille.
do you like to wear underwear?! Yes. I get great thrills from wearing underwear. Sometimes, when a day is going slowly, I'll go and change my underwear just to spice things up. You never know what I'm going to do; I'm crazy like that.
do you fuss over looking good? Every morning I wake up and look in the mirror and realize what I look like and cry until it's time for work. So in a manner of speaking, yes.
sheets or no sheets? Ghosts should always have sheets. Rattling chains too.
which side of the bed do you prefer!? Facing the bed? Or in the bed? Because it varies based on the answer to that question. You should have thought of that before you wrote your boyfriend survey thing, I mean geez.
could you make breakfast? Yeah, but I'm not going to.
favorite color? Excellent question. Purple.
play any instruments? No, but I have often been accused of playing with MY instrument hahahahahahhahaahhahahahahahahahahhhaha oh god I am so alone.
do you believe in love at first sight? Absolutely, and you know why? Emotions as complex and beautiful as love can simply be attained by viewing a person. Anyone who tells you otherwise is cynical and clearly just doesn't think take love seriously. I mean, really, like you have to actually know anything about a person to fall in love. Those dumb bastards.
do you smoke cigarettes? No.
do you do drugs and/or alcohol? I don't so much "do" alcohol as drink it.
do you like to drawpaintother art stuff? In high school I used a four color pen I found to draw a picture of Satan winning the Miss America pageant at the exclusion of doing any work assigned to me by teachers that day. (This is actually true.)
favorite movie? Hudson Hawk.
do you cry during sad movies? I cry pretty much all the time. Sometimes I even know why.
could you watch action movies? That option is available to me, yes.
how many girls have you been with? Zero. Wait, do you mean like hung out with or dated or had sex with? Because I was thinking you just meant hanging out.
are you religious, if so what religion? Xenu will kill us all.
are you a dreamer, or are you down to earth?
...sorry, what?
favorite day of the week? Tuesday?
are you spontaneous? At about 6:45 or so usually.
would you rather stay in or go out? People laugh at me when they see me in public.
do you like to be alone sometimes?
what do you feel is the most important part of a relationship? Teabagging.
are you an innie or an outtie ((bellybutton))? Thanks for clarifying, because I thought you meant genitalia.
why should I pick you? Because if you don't I will cry. A lot. I mean it.
what is your best feature?
why would you make a great boyfriend? Because I will do everything you want me to and when you are nasty to me you will be able to make me apologize with only the most minor of manipulation. I have no self-esteem and will feel beholden to you just for tolerating me.
what do you like best about me? Your boobs.
how would you make me happy? Touching your boobs.
how happy do you think you'd make me? I dunno, really happy? How do you answer this question?
how many relationships have you had? Dozens. Oh, you mean dated. Sorry, I meant none.
whats the least important thing in a relationship? Your orgams.
why do you want me as your girlfriend? I'm really desperate. No, wait--
if we started cuddling & stuff, what would you do? Ejaculate.
if i called you at 3 am & wanted to hang out because i was feeling lonely, and bored what would you do? Ejaculate.
it's my birthday. i want a present. What would you do? Ejaculate in your mouth.
how would you show me that you really like me, in person? Man, this is getting repetitive.
VIEW 25 of 95 COMMENTS
I knew you were a fucking asshole.