something_vague

so the guy at work shook my hand and made me kiss him on the cheek tonight. it's weird, cos his skin is much softer than mine. it made me feel like a man and i said so. haha.


anyway, in other news, here is a list of the things i miss (it's pretty long.. sorry) :

i miss my mum
i miss the times when my family were together as the 4 of us
i miss being a little kid and oh so carefree
i miss the feeling of knowing i have friends that really care
i miss being able to be with my family at any time of the day or night
i miss being able to drop in to my best friends house at any time and knowing she was there for me
i miss getting into venues/pubs underage
i miss being in love
i miss looking into my ex's eyes and feeling how much he loved (?) me
i miss making out with such beautiful lips
i miss late night phone calls
i miss hearing him happy
i miss getting in trouble for the little things
i miss watching the news and seeing good things happening in this world
i miss being emotionally safe
i miss the butterflies you get when you finally see someone you've loved for a long time for the first time in months
i miss bumping into random friends from years ago at shows
i miss the people i see the least but love the most
i miss being wrong, because now i handle things as if i'm always right
i miss being innocent
i miss the sex i had in the back of his car in year 11
i miss the phone sex we had almost every other night
i miss driving around with nowhere to go
i miss driving with my mum
i miss driving to see my mum
i miss making my mum laugh
i miss hugging my mum
i miss the scent of my mum
i fucking miss my mum.
GOD.
i miss the feeling of being trully alive
i miss the stupid things he said
i miss being able to tell the truth all the time without being afraid
i miss wearing pop punk clothes, skanking and looking like a freak
i miss the times when i wasn't so cynical
i miss not being a bitch
i miss being able to pick up the phone and knowing who to call
i miss sharing secrets
i miss acting stupidly and immaturely and actually feeling comfortable being that way
i miss sleeping on bunks and talking all night til we fell asleep
i miss having that second family when i felt i couldn't handle my own
i miss only crying because i didn't get my way
i miss gossip
i miss not having to be responsible
i miss being able to call my mum at any time of the day or night
i miss helping my mum and trying to make things right no matter how down she seemed
i miss the way things were and never will be again

but you've gotta stop living in the past, huh?
and all i guess it means is that i've lived, loved, lost and still come up for air in the middle of it all.

lucky me.

i miss living a peaceful life without luck being on my side.

(i miss remembering everything that i miss in order to write this list.)