someozone

watched blade iii yesterday ... it totally lived up to my expectations

not getting enough done for school and i'm getting nervous

i like country music goddamn it ... at least the really old stuff

notebook of moving and all the procrastination

morning: fuck around online; get depressed
noon-1pm: oriental ramen with egg (gross) + microwave burrito
1-2pm: clean desk
-find stack of papers that were put there the day i moved in
- finally filed this papers
-removed 5 diet coke cans
2-3pm: organized all material from first quarter. Would you believe I've memorized an entire foot of lecture...
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i noticed today that i trivialized someone else's stress and hardship because they weren't in med school.

Nico - These Days

Do you think that apathy and nihilism about your life can be justified at times?

I'm seeing Kinsey today ... i hear its not great, but whatever.

Kinsey was not great ... it was ok

moving tomorrow ... closer to campus ...
decided the...
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things I ate this week:

shark fin
jelly fish
frog mucous
cow intestine
a supreme pizza

my uncle can speak six languages ...
english
bahasa
javanese
japanese
mandarian
cantonese

a little less than a happy high
a little less than a suicide

i feel loved
my last final is in two days
i have twenty lectures worth of material to cover in that time
i only went to three of them

i am, across may levels of meaning, overwhelmed


GOALS:
assume a role of self-sufficiency
stop using my status as a first year as a crutch
remember to compose myself

The litebrite's now black and white
Cause you took apart a picture that wasn't right
Pitch burning on a shining sheet
The only maker that you'd want to meet
The dying man in a living room
Who's shadow paces the floor
He'll take you out any open door
This is not my life
It's just a fond farewell to a friend
It's not what I'm...
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i'm comfortable apart
its all written on my chart
and I take whats given me
most cooperatively
i do what people say
and lie in bed all day
absolutely horrified
i'm hope you satisfied
isolation pushes past
self-hatred, guilt and shame
to a place where suffering is just a game
but everyone's who scared of this place is staying away
you live in a house...
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do not try to date every normal-looking, intelligent, fun girl you know ...

even legacy people can be pathetic, sub-standard people

you never forgive youself ... you either stop caring, or become someone new.

bang bang
maxell's silver hammer
came down upon her head!

bang bang
Prof's killer exam ... er
made sure he was dead


edamamme: you know you want it

how often do you feel yourself getting older (physically, emotionally, intellectually... )?