lots of journal-esque things have gone on ...
i've been talking with this girl a lot for about a two weeks now ... and i've come to realization that its not neccesary for me to be convinced that I'm attracted to someone in order to ask them out. It calming to go out with someone, knowing you're just hanging out and getting to know someone ... in some ways, its more productive because you just see where things go, and you get an idea of how compatible you are with each other ... plus, you get to develop an intimacy with them that is separated from a romantic pressure ...
however, this presents two problems for me, (1) i have a terrible habit of always want to make it a relationship, as it want one, and (2) i got lost in the 'romanticism' of the outing, and start to think how great it is, and it ends up becoming a date in my head ... these things just fuck everything up ...
sometimes i think, had i not had a really long realtionship with my last girlfriend (basically 4yrs), i would not be looking for an instant uber-close relationship and not have these problems ... they are really silly ... why should i expec to have this really personal compassionate reactions to someone after getting to know them for only a month or to ...
the problem gets even worst when they notice this problem of mine, and it makes them take a step back ... i really need to get better at this ...
i think i have made some progress, but its still there ... i mean shit, i shouldn't be getting the "i want to hold hands" thought on the first proto-date (proto as in we are not really sure if we are interested in each other.
sigh ... i wish i had more time to get to know people... school work really puts a stopper on these things ...
i think i'll stop until i can gather my thoughts a little more ...
-j
i've been talking with this girl a lot for about a two weeks now ... and i've come to realization that its not neccesary for me to be convinced that I'm attracted to someone in order to ask them out. It calming to go out with someone, knowing you're just hanging out and getting to know someone ... in some ways, its more productive because you just see where things go, and you get an idea of how compatible you are with each other ... plus, you get to develop an intimacy with them that is separated from a romantic pressure ...
however, this presents two problems for me, (1) i have a terrible habit of always want to make it a relationship, as it want one, and (2) i got lost in the 'romanticism' of the outing, and start to think how great it is, and it ends up becoming a date in my head ... these things just fuck everything up ...
sometimes i think, had i not had a really long realtionship with my last girlfriend (basically 4yrs), i would not be looking for an instant uber-close relationship and not have these problems ... they are really silly ... why should i expec to have this really personal compassionate reactions to someone after getting to know them for only a month or to ...
the problem gets even worst when they notice this problem of mine, and it makes them take a step back ... i really need to get better at this ...
i think i have made some progress, but its still there ... i mean shit, i shouldn't be getting the "i want to hold hands" thought on the first proto-date (proto as in we are not really sure if we are interested in each other.
sigh ... i wish i had more time to get to know people... school work really puts a stopper on these things ...
i think i'll stop until i can gather my thoughts a little more ...
-j
troglodyte:
I have similar problems. I always want to jump straight to the intimacy part, bypass the preliminary stage altogether. It really puts a damper on things.