someoneman

On Love/Connection...

So I'm not really expecting to many people to read this, I'm fairly new to the site and I figure aside from the few who happen to stumble upon this blog by chance that that's going to be about it.

So there's somewhat of a dual purpose in this, that I can write freely because noone's going to really see it and also with the slight hope of someone coming upon it and respecting it/admiring it.

Which actually, is a pretty telling thing about most people in general i think. That most people spend their lives hiding themselves, trying to put up a front, scared to show their true self yet at the same time desiring so strongly to find someone who they can show their true self too.

This is a bit of a stream of consciousness so if you happen to be reading this you'll have to bear with me.

But I saw something tonight, which was incredibly fascinating and also rather beautiful. It was connection. Two friends of mine who are a couple, that's it really, but I saw something between them that just sort of clicked for me. What it was that drew them together and made them love each other.

I think what kind of clicked for me is that even with that, even though it's a rare thing that is basically just completely up to chance, it's still so fragile.

We all search so hard for someone to connect with, someone who can help quiet and comfort our inner pain/struggle, but even when it's found (which by the way I feel very fortunate to have found with my beautiful girlfriend) it's still constantly at the whims of fate. Our desires and feelings and being are constantly shifting... maybe that's why it's hard for me to believe in the idea of a soul mate, or a one true love. I guess it depends on where you are in life, what you have found out about yourself, what you're looking for, and what kind of connection you find.

But it really is all up to chance, the best we can do is make the best of what we have. A true connection is incredibly difficult to find and the irony is that even when we do find it, it often becomes undervalued. We grow accustomed to it and take it for granted.

It has been said (and I'm paraphrasing here) that to know love, we must first love yourself. This I've found to be incredibly true. I think mainly because we all have an inner pain/desire that drives us towards people and certain types of connections. But if we are not strong within ourselves when we find those people, we find those connections, we will start to take them for granted. We grow accustomed to their presence and find that the pain and longing that they once quieted is now back.

To find love, to find a connection that you can commit to, you must understand this about yourself. You must understand the forces that drive you, the feelings and longings that you posses and what they push you towards and from there understand what a real connection means to you. That when you have something rare and valuable you can fully appreciate it for what it is and do the best you can to hold onto it.

it's never going to be simple.

Life is a rollercoaster no matter how mundane the life you lead is.

But that's just the way it is, and if you're given the gift of true connection you do the best you can with it. If it falls apart then you pick up the pieces, try to learn as much about yourself from it as possible and move forward. Hoping that you're given another opportunity to experience the level of calm that you once found.

Man, that was quite the rant. K, bed time!