somekindofinsane

sigh...this has been a hell of a week to say the least...i will admit that at first i was very angry and very hurt inside...but that was because i was in total shock...i wasn't prepared for it...

but i am happy to say that me and jeannie are talking again and i am feeling better that we are trying to preserve what has always been a great friendship.. even when we were together, she was as much a true friend as she was a girlfriend, and real friends are not always so easy to come by..

i genuinely loved her and still do in a way, but just like when we were together, the most important thing to me is her happiness...and if she had to pretend she felt something that she didn't really feel anymore, then it wouldn't have been fair to either of us and it would be impossible for her to be truly happy.. that is not what i want...she shouldn't have to make such huge sacrifices..

it would be so easy for me to be angry and resentful and to say i hate her, etc., but that would not be fair to her and it could not be further from the truth... jeannie is a beautiful person, inside and out, and anyone would be lucky to know her as well as i do..

the more i thought about it, the more i realized how amazing the last three months were for me and i mean it when i say i would not trade them for anything.. i would rather have had the last three months with jeannie than to have gone my entire life without ever knowing her love, and i would rather have her as a friend now than not have her in my life at all.. she means too much to me to just throw away everything over this...

yes it is hard, but it is hard for both of us, and we are both dealing with it the best we can and in time we both will be able to move past it.. we will always have the memories of the wonderful time we had together, which i can honestly say are some of the happiest i have ever known..

i loved imagining a future with you jeannie...thank you for giving me a chance.. it means more to me than you will ever know.. whoever wins your heart in the end should consider himself a very lucky man...and if anyone ever gives you a hard time, just remember that now you have another name to add to your list of big, tough guy friends.. hehe..

*hugs* jeannie..