solstice

you know it should not happen.
my anxiety has been something to cope with for years, i'm not happy with it, but i'm going on living my best, and wtf, my mind is balanced in the way i like it, you can call me crazy, insane, whatsoever, but i'm ok..
until something occurs

last night, disco here, djing for fun like i have done for years, a great friend of mine took my place in the late '90 when i moved my ass out of this small town, and he was there.
and i'm still asking why i was frozen looking at him, falling on the floor with half an heart stroke, while he was rattling hitting his chest as strong as he could do. ten minutes and was over, he was standing again as nothing was happened "i'm fine, i'm used to it"
hell sure, you say you're fine, i was nearly scared to death...
can i see thestrals, dumbledore? can i?

my sleep was unconfortable and disturbed, a continuous black dream. i woke up after 12hours, and here i am writing. i'm still shaking

also..
gimme that wand, 9 1/2in, phoenix feather in it, O.W.L. in transfiguration, have an urgent spell to cast, turning myself to fulfill my fantasy, 'cause i wish i could share love with bathory..

life is a bitch