solisis

i don't think i ever told you how much you amaze me. that's because the stubborn part of me is resistant to such things like admittance. you know this though. remember how i stamured all over myself when i tried to tell you that you were beautiful, and most beautiful when you don't wear make up? it's not everyday i can say these things, i mean. i hate you for that... which really means something quite perverted. but fuck you for that as well. we turned eachother into maniacs and must keep that in mind when one of us loses our cool over something like a cup of spilled milk... symbolically i mean. but you know that. you're intelligent. remarkably so, and don't argue it like i would. i've spent a great deal of my life just walking from door to door asking people what makes them happy and i doubt i've come across many people who can speak the way you do. because i can't remember any of them amazing me the way you do. did i mention that i love it when you correct me? you probably don't remember all of the times because we may have been drunk, or just you. i remember them though. i like it like the fucked up masochist you made of me. and i'm impressed that you could do it. the same way i'm impressed at the fact that you haven't given up school... or life, like i had. don't be stupid and argue this though. i hate talking like this but i love talking to you. and every now and then something totally gay has to come out or i'll end up standing on a rooftop with a plastic gun to my temple. too weak to shoot myself with something real. and by that i mean i would never hurt you by doing something so foolish without considering how you would feel without me around. you haven't even left yet and i already feel empty. and i always say i don't need people. that's a lie. we both know better. i almost took the bart to the airport to watch you leave. you're a big girl though. and i'm a big queer so we wouldn't want to blow my cover by being gay in a public place. who knows, mr. right could have been watching me at that moment and you would have ruined my chance for hooking up with justin- i mean... the boy of my dreams. secretly i don't want to joke about anything right now. i miss you and i hope i just sleep straight through. what a fucking pussy i am. serves me right though. you really are amazing. and even if it feels terrible to be me sometimes, it couldn't feel better when i'm around you. even if you're pissed... plus, you really are amazing. that's probably why you're winning por una cabeza- quite literally. but i'll even the score. fuck. i'm glad i'm just as fucked up as you are. that's why i think we get along the way we do. you really are my best friend and i love you to death. have the best time and slap me when you get back. big gay kisses, as always. you've made me feel better about being me.