solisis

I gave a word so potently desired, to an angel with a radiant wingspan of light so bright I failed to notice the sea of darkness towering the menace in a godlike fashion of fury and absolute beauty all at once I gave my wish for a wish. Word for word. Grant for grant.
He asked but a single detail of my being in exchange for all that consumes my heart and plagues my dreams untouchable. The one thing I would give anything for. The one thing he knew he could buy me with. And I was so deeply engrossed in the fantasy of her that I failed to specify the details minute and the entirety of my own dream. So much so that I left behind the nightmares and fountains of blood I so regularly bathed in to avoid all that would break my comfortable isolation. And now it rests within the books, along with all others so foolish to give their lives for a single moment of what one might confuse for true, pure love. Love that only lasted as long as the moment. If only I could have cleared my desires long enough to realize what his words meant, I would have known the deception and revealed that which was concealed. I would have asked what he meant before holding my pride and insisting his demonic tone was one I could grasp comprehensively. And now I suffer.

Her words, dancing alone, corroding my mind of anger and a trembling quake of regret so powerful and yet so useless to a bound soul surrounded by the machine- these dead, brown vines are its veins, its blood: my pain. Its voice: my tears. Its breath: my misery. Lurking, the last of the barons curling its horns which stand as the encompassing bars of my cell. A ruin, a vast parallel to all that I never had the courage to dream up, so horrific and silenced by the terror vocalized as a perpetual scream. No breath required. No heartbeat. My eyes cant even close. I see all. I know all. I hear all. I feel all. Without any possible way to ignore, shut out, remove the billions of tortured souls that I cannot help. That I cannot silence. I am without the power to move. I am without the power to sleep even one second of this fury away. The violence grows as unattended weeds, compounding the irritation and deep seeding the itch I could never reach. Without the luxury of a single step from the boiling mire saturated with stink, with ice, with fire, with nothing constant to adjust to and nothing to interrupt the absolutely unmerciful terror of the darkest of angels bent on revenge and the destruction of all who dared to peek into this world uninvited.
I had to watch all that I loved lain in scorch and fractioned in ash, taken by the sound of yet another earthmoving boom the call of the vicious, the call of the legion consuming yet another I held so dear. I was forced to see the look in their eyes as the ferocious granted them the knowledge of my selfish wish and the exchange agreed. The look as they discover how I sold us all into something far and away more hideous than death. Something that never ends. Something for a moment. Something ephemeral. Something I could have had by speaking a simple word of hello on my own but lacked the courage to do so by my own influence so I sold us all to an angel. Even the one I claimed to love so dear. And her look was the one that would haunt me forever. I can see it in front of everything upon this moving wall of bodies and tears. Blood and bone. Ash and rain. Vexation and paranoia. No mouth closed. No ear closed. Nothing without pain. All because of.. me.