solisis

So I've been watching the moon for almost 7 days now. it hasn't left the center of the sky yet. actually, it hardly reflects light anymore. I've noticed the trees no longer blow in the wind that stopped several months ago. or was it years? i don't know anymore. it's been too long to chart. there hasn't been a soul on the streets even. not a bug or a rat or anything. it's as if the entire planet just died one day and everything remained exactly as it was that very second. strange. I suppose there's no reason to breathe anymore. I'll quit that as soon as i figure out how to lift my head from the ground.......

I can't leave tucson. not until i get paid. i can't get paid until dreamcatcher sends us a check. they don't send a check until we go beta. we go beta as soon as everyone has finished their lists, which depend on everyone else. everyday they say just a few more. which is exactly what i have to tell her. which is exactly why i would understand if she never spoke to me again. i can't realistically imagine ever leaving this place. I could not fathom the idea of going home. I can't work when i feel like dying. i can't stop feeling like dying unless I'm home. i can't go home until the work is done. the work can't be done when i feel like dying. and so on and so forth.

I'll give someone $50,000 to kill me. the thing is you can't collect until i get paid. but the contract is void if i get paid cause that means i get to leave.

better yet..... nevermind....