solisis

Is there nothing but cold between us on this lifelong walk? If not for the sounds of the no waters running the stream of tears, there would be a silence dark as your eyes and ready to plunge me deeper into the haunting forever cast blackness of my own heart. Under this lamp which pelts me a perpetual feed of a low decibel buzz, all the more awakening me to the undying reality that this misanthropic malediction is what is sadly mistaken for my life, I place another step in front of the last casting a shadow before me one foot closer to the next time it will fade and reappear behind. Not that it matters. Its only one more to check off the list that spans as far as the mind can imagine. With a glance up, my spine, unmoved for the past seven weeks this hour alone, cracks yet again to intake the view of nothing at all that could be confused with progress. Nothing but another street lamp ringing the sound of an insect and the visual musk of the looming pestilential cloud of misery that forever grants me the insight that this is the living end. And I sip from my bottomless cup of ice-hot tea that remains as my dream of an ageless smile so potent it would wake the living if not for the fact that theyre all dead, once more to taste my motiv for challenging this most impossible task of withstanding an invasion of a personal court. A once impacted stir of the only element worth living for.
To this he lifts the finger and points towards the vacant sky where the stars once held their luster as a proud panther after a fresh kill. Then opens his pasted, chapped lips to utter any word for her. Only to speak not a one and rewind the tape that keeps him close to the brink of destruction. An exhale so long and symphonic one might have thought he regained his ability to breathe.
Without it he steps again, one foot over the last in a seemingly perfect division of distance over time. A militant process of deduction that governs his every move. One more street light. One more step. One less minute to suffer the painful exaggeration of a hypothetical situation he has no way of revealing the so called truth behind. And with it he dreams again the same vivid expression left on her sleepless face the same as he has a thousand moments before. Never removing the hope that it is not beyond the point of redemption. Never removing the hope that he could lift it from the mile deep pit kept far from the thought of salvation. And always with a look of a broken child somewhere between loss and strength.
Once before, in a world not unlike that of the fern covered valley of his dolls, he spent the night in a gaze that lasted the length of her voice and the warmth of her lashes, remaining as far as his journey and proceeding even now as he steps again through the cold, colorless void that carries him no closer to the nonexisting checkpoint in this race of one. It is the only detail of thought that can sustain his withering frame that would shatter like the faith he had if not for the fact that it were secured within a shield of love.
So there is nothing but cold between us on this lifelong walk in a direction unending, in the shape of a ring, in a small metal box, in the corner of my bleach white chamber, in the corner of my coal black heart which sits in a thimble beside my breath, in a glass cube which rests as a battleship lost in the sea that defines her chest.so close to the eyes too far beyond description they could only be understood by the first wet kisses so passion swept they could taste your soul from a hundred lives past. Without end. Without a trace of my former or a blueprint of my latter. Just somewhere inbetween. Walking under these blueless lights on a street that rides the distance unimaginable. One bottomless cup of tea. One pestilential cloud. Hoping that any minute the ring of a taxi would turn me. And open the gate that leads through the tunnel of adversity and straight into the warmth of her velvet lined heart. Until then I can only count down the miles. Only about a million left before I can say theres only a million left to go.