solidoak

Well, I just got through my first week of school. It is pretty different being going back after not doing anything very productive for a couple of years. My anxiety was through the roof in class though, I couldn't stop shaking my leg and was sweating even though the AC was on. I started smoking more again.

The worst part of it is my girlfriend broke up with me because she couldn't handle the distance, although it was a relatively new relationship. She kept saying that she didn't know why I thought I wanted to be with her and we were just too different, stating reasons like our musical interests and other things. The only real concern I had was my interest in Body Modification and I didn't want to do something that I thought would really upset her, but it is also something that I didn't feel I could compromise on as much. It has led me to understand and accept myself so much more and has given me some sort of connection to what I feel is our "past selves". You know, when used to live solely off of the land based upon the seasons, when people didn't judge each other by what they did or didn't have, when we all would have died if we didn't stick together and work to survive. A time when there was no difference between one another.


So I decided to fill out my profile in here and start using the blog more regularly. Hopefully I will find the positive I thought I had, then lost.