soleils

I use to have to have this other online journal that I use to write in for three year, and I was just going through it. Kinda interesting going back and reading what I wrote. And what I chose to write about and some things that I stilll remember that I chose not to write about. It's interesting how I start writing about Jesse. The first thing I remember about meeting this guy was that I had this vivid image in my mind of him and me making out. But I just shook it off because he was seeing someone else at the time and I was kinda seeing someone else. I didn't choose to write about that though. He first comes into my journal as a guy I loved to party with but could never see myself with because he smoked and did a lot of weed. Then eventually he was someone who I made out with, but it wasn't serious...and then when he was out of town one time he called me. I think that's when things started to change. When we first started hanging out I use to go to school all day and have rehearsals all night after. I was kinda like the schedule FreakPirate is on. Except he's a techy he has it way more tough than I do. Anyway after rehearsal I use to go to his dorm because those guys were always up drinking beer or what not. I use to stay for a while we would go in his room and make out. And then I would make him drive me home, and he would even though he was dead beat tired. I waited a month to have sex with him. I forget exactly what my reasoning was. I remember the first time I slept with him too, I had an english exam right after. Actually I remember that night pretty well. I didn't chose to write much about it, except for the exam right after. He would have walked me to my class but I said no. When that first semester came to an end, he moved back to Grand Cash because he was done his course. And it was Christmas break for me and I had went to Nova Scotia that year. He actually called me when I was down there. I wish my history with him could finish there. That he didn't just stop talking to me when things got a bit tough. That he just leave me a week after he said he loved me, when things were going well and we were hanging out laughing, playing video games, and the sex was actually Really good. Not that things were perfect, I just thought I had someone on my side you know...someone I could count on. My friends say that he was no good for me, and that they are looking out for me. I know it's all true but it doesn't really change things. Life has an interesting way of having it's own twists and turns, this just happens to be one part of it. There are things I choose not to write about that will lead to something eventually and I'm sure I will wonder someday, why I chose not to write about those things instead.