Hey everyone, hope you are all well in SG land?
How do you like the new site? I love it, will take a little getting used to but so far so good!
Finally I managed to do something I have always wanted to do. Canter bareback without reins, I am proud of myself that I was brave enough to try and didn't fall off! I work really hard to be a better rider, I am hoping that next year I can do a show. Never done one before and I am scared but with training I hope it will go okay.
Missing my dog Calico terribly. When I walk into the house I keep expecting her to be there, wagging her tail and greeting me at the door, but she isn't there anymore. At night when I am sitting alone I keep looking around hoping that she will lay down by me, I miss hearing her dreaming and how she would do little barking noises in her sleep. I will never forget my beautiful girl, my heart aches for her, I say I miss her everyday, the night times are the worst.
Recently I discovered the joy of painting. I am not very good but it really relaxes me. My head is so messed up with crazy thoughts and fears and I have discovered that painting helps, it is therapeutic to put paint to paper, my mind is still and focused when I paint. The brush just takes over and images come flowing out.
Something great has happened recently. Down at the stables I have met some wonderful, genuine girls. It is hard for me to build friendships and to trust people, of late quite a few people have stuck the knife in hard and it left me never wanting to have friends again, I felt better and safer alone. The girls are teaching me to trust again, my heart is filling with love and I am realizing new things about myself and other people. People never stop surprising me. There are good people out there!
The other night I shot a really great black and white set and the pictures I have seen so far look really good, I am excited to submit them, not until the new year though. I look so different with a shaved head, although it is growing back pretty quickly, I wanted to shoot the set before my hair grew to much. I bought some wigs for myself and it is fun to play around with them :)
My self tattoo is healing up nicely, I had to go over it a few times. It really means a lot to me and even more so that I did it myself. I would like to do another one on the top of my other thigh.......maybe I will soon?
Slowly life is getting a little better. Still have big issues with sleep, it's almost 6am and I have been up all night unable to sleep, even though I rode and my body is tired my brain wont hush. Oh well it is as it is. I am for sure a night owl.
Before I go I will leave you with some pictures, Calico's heart spot my crazy paintings, riding my favorite horse Glory and a picture of me.
One last thing, thank you all so, so much for the lovely and compassionate comments you left on my previous blog, you really touched me with your kind words, thank you. :)
Solace xox
