so i was reading old myspace messges me and my bf used to send to each other a few years ago.
he responded to one of my surverys.
i was reading the questions and my answers....and i was alot more optomistic then than i am now.
i want to get back to being that faithful in life and being confident like that. it was like even though i pushed myself to look up and pretend to be confident most of the time, i eventually became it. and its a bit more than i am now.
here are some of the answers i need to remember:
17. WILL YOU EVER MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN?
" and these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again.....if you only try turning around"
21. DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF? in certain things i do. like i WILL be famous. and you all will love and WORSHIP the ground i walk on.....mwhahahahhah
24. MOTTO IN LIFE:
"If you cant laugh at yourself life is guna seem a whole lot longer than you'd like"
28. IS FAME & MONEY THE MOST iMPORTANT THiNGS iN YOUR LiFE?
no. i just want to be noticed/ recognized/ influential to more people. money is great but it makes you greedy and materialistic. i want some, but i dont want to be a billionare. actually maybe i do. i could save a lot of people and animals.
33. LAST, HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT YOU WERE PERFECT?
fuck no. perfect is like the unatainable thing that we all strive for but, perfect is boring. i embrace being less than astounding.
wow. im not perfect. and i've been striving to be. im not perfect. nor should i be.
my flaws make me me. i do not have a perfect body,a perfect personality. im moody. indecisive. realistic.
but im also compassionate, and kind, and loyal.
my life will never be perfect. things will never be exactly how i want them to be b/c in my head, its perfect.
however, i will not settle for less than what i deserve.
realistically, i want...a good paying job thats interesting and im passionate about, a house, a husband, dogs, a horse, enough money not to constantly worry and be able to take one big trip around the world every year or two, a great wardrobe, possibly kids and my health and my families.
these arent unrealistic for me. i would content with that
ideally, i want lots of money sp i could take care of my kids and my mother, fathe,r brther,cousin. travel constantly, take time off from work without feeling obligated, be able to buy whatever i wanted without second guessing.
however, my personality doesnt warrent me the freedom of not second guessing and questioning, all of the time. its my nature to debate in my head. so even if i had all the money in the world, im sure at times i would still wonder "was/ is it worth it"
i need to get over myself.
i need to fucking find my passions again.
i used to be passionate about music, about fashion, about horseback riding, about being an actress.
granted i no longer want to be an actress b/c its too much responsibilty and something that would not be good for my mental health
and im not that obsseeive about music anymore.i used to obsess over bands, but that was when i was trying to find a distinct indentiy. i no longer worry about finding somewhere to associate myself with.
but i really have no passions anymore, mainly b/c the money issue.
i do really need a job, but i want it to be something where i am really going ot learn, where i want to go to most days, not something that will eventually become a burden.
i now want to be a model, so bad. so soo soooo bad. i want it b.c im not perfect, and i want to see more photos of imperfections, of short curvy girls like me.
i want to put a set up on suicide girls, but i dont know photographers or hair and makeup people without having to pay for it.
i want to own my own pinup boutique, online, in the next couple of years.
all of these things i want to do, but im still not exactly sure how to go about them...
whats a girl to do?
he responded to one of my surverys.
i was reading the questions and my answers....and i was alot more optomistic then than i am now.
i want to get back to being that faithful in life and being confident like that. it was like even though i pushed myself to look up and pretend to be confident most of the time, i eventually became it. and its a bit more than i am now.
here are some of the answers i need to remember:
17. WILL YOU EVER MAKE THE SAME MISTAKE AGAIN?
" and these mistakes you've made, you'll just make them again.....if you only try turning around"
21. DO YOU BELIEVE IN YOURSELF? in certain things i do. like i WILL be famous. and you all will love and WORSHIP the ground i walk on.....mwhahahahhah
24. MOTTO IN LIFE:
"If you cant laugh at yourself life is guna seem a whole lot longer than you'd like"
28. IS FAME & MONEY THE MOST iMPORTANT THiNGS iN YOUR LiFE?
no. i just want to be noticed/ recognized/ influential to more people. money is great but it makes you greedy and materialistic. i want some, but i dont want to be a billionare. actually maybe i do. i could save a lot of people and animals.
33. LAST, HAVE YOU EVER THOUGHT YOU WERE PERFECT?
fuck no. perfect is like the unatainable thing that we all strive for but, perfect is boring. i embrace being less than astounding.
wow. im not perfect. and i've been striving to be. im not perfect. nor should i be.
my flaws make me me. i do not have a perfect body,a perfect personality. im moody. indecisive. realistic.
but im also compassionate, and kind, and loyal.
my life will never be perfect. things will never be exactly how i want them to be b/c in my head, its perfect.
however, i will not settle for less than what i deserve.
realistically, i want...a good paying job thats interesting and im passionate about, a house, a husband, dogs, a horse, enough money not to constantly worry and be able to take one big trip around the world every year or two, a great wardrobe, possibly kids and my health and my families.
these arent unrealistic for me. i would content with that
ideally, i want lots of money sp i could take care of my kids and my mother, fathe,r brther,cousin. travel constantly, take time off from work without feeling obligated, be able to buy whatever i wanted without second guessing.
however, my personality doesnt warrent me the freedom of not second guessing and questioning, all of the time. its my nature to debate in my head. so even if i had all the money in the world, im sure at times i would still wonder "was/ is it worth it"
i need to get over myself.
i need to fucking find my passions again.
i used to be passionate about music, about fashion, about horseback riding, about being an actress.
granted i no longer want to be an actress b/c its too much responsibilty and something that would not be good for my mental health
and im not that obsseeive about music anymore.i used to obsess over bands, but that was when i was trying to find a distinct indentiy. i no longer worry about finding somewhere to associate myself with.
but i really have no passions anymore, mainly b/c the money issue.
i do really need a job, but i want it to be something where i am really going ot learn, where i want to go to most days, not something that will eventually become a burden.
i now want to be a model, so bad. so soo soooo bad. i want it b.c im not perfect, and i want to see more photos of imperfections, of short curvy girls like me.
i want to put a set up on suicide girls, but i dont know photographers or hair and makeup people without having to pay for it.
i want to own my own pinup boutique, online, in the next couple of years.
all of these things i want to do, but im still not exactly sure how to go about them...
whats a girl to do?