soeffinhappy

A couple of years ago I was getting over a painful breakup from a painful relationship. I needed stability and routine. What do you do in this situation? You go out, you get a decent job, you finance a reliable car with a bumper to bumper warranty and you start saving some money. At the time, my relationship, my friendships with my best friends and my band were all fucked. It took some soul searching but I decided that I was going to have to give up on the life I really wanted(a girl I loved, a band that was successful enough to support me and enough money to travel); stability and routine seemed like the way to go. I set myself up to slide into a nice, comfortable rut by the time I was in my late twenties, early thirties. I'd like to say these were mistakes but in all honesty I can't. There were so many things pointing to that lifestyle that I had no other choice but to believe that this was the way it was. Who knew that in a close to three years I'd have a new band that was on the verge of stepping to the next level, new friends, new relationships and a burning desire to pack up and leave? It's too late for that now though, when I try to run away I find myself shackled and chained, held in place by the lifestyle that is no longer what I want but is looming over me none the less. I'd love to say "Fuck it. I don't need to worry about that. I'm gonna do what I want and get the most out of life." The only way to do that though, is to hurt the people that care the most about me and that I care the most about. I swear my ancestors must have been irish gyspsys, wandering the green hills of clover and making their living any way they could. I have this constant urge to move move move move move. The world doesn't seem big enough to show me all I want to see. I hope what I'm doing now is the right choice. Every time I do something it seems to come back and haunt me later on. I'm too old to deal with more ghosts, I've got plenty clattering their chains around now.